Do You Love Me Enough to do This?

Letting Go - Balloons

When we are faced with a difficult life challenge there is usually a lesson in it. Most of our life lessons are about Love 

and about Letting Go. 

Letting Go doesn't mean you don't love them anymore. Letting Go doesn't mean you won't miss them anymore. You can never cut the ties that bind two souls together who truly love each other. What you DO need to cut is the Leash of Grief and Guilt that binds them to you and prevents them from doing what is best for them.

As They say, set something free and if it was yours to begin with, it will come back. It's natural law, in Heaven and on Earth and in all the spaces in between life and death and life. Your loved ones cannot come back from a place they have not yet arrived. 

If you are looking for Signs and not finding them, take a look at what you are doing. If your best friend is still on the leash of your grief, your best friend is not yet free to be everything he or she can be. 

Letting Go is the most important thing you can do for both of you. It is the ultimate act of faith... and you will be rewarded for it. 

Breathe. Then Let Go. It's time.

You say you love. Do you love them enough to let them go? 

Do you trust them enough to have the faith that they will never leave?  Do you trust yourself enough to have the faith that if they leave, you will still be okay? 

"'Do not cling to me,' said Jesus, 'for I have not yet ascended to the Father.'"

John 20:17

(Jesus to Mary Magdalene) 

ABSENT DAD

Today would have been my father's 84th birthday. 

Life wasn't perfect for us, yet it was somehow perfect in that we taught each other what we needed to learn from each other. 

It was not his fault. It's not my fault. 

It's no one's fault. It just is what it is. 

We all have something we believe is true that isn't true 

deep inside of us

and some of us spend our entire lives trying to undo the misconceptions and beliefs that hold us back from living a full life of love and adventure.  

It's never too late. 

Life is the school, love is the lesson.

It seemed so long between visits

Just every month or so,

And even then time shared was brief

It was hard to see him go.

Of course to mother there was relief

In seeing him depart.

But to his daughter, it was the first

Padlock upon her heart.

This early lesson taught her

That men we love can leave.

So be so ever careful

Not to fall, not to believe

In lasting love, for love can stray

And separate the two

Who so loved one another

As love made it's first debut.

"Abandonment" they call it

Where you just seem to expect

That if you allow yourself to care

The old rule takes effect:

Those who love will also leave

No matter what you do:

If your Daddy has left you to fend for yourself,

It will happen again to you.

So you go your own way and you meet lots of men

And keep a safe distance between.

You're unintentionally "hard to get,"

Driven by a force unseen.

This of course drives men crazy

And you help them realize

That they'll not understand some women;

First she loves and then she flies.

There are lessons for you to learn that men

Are not all like your Dad.

Strive to open up your world

To a well-intended lad.

If he leaves you, understand,

That's simply a risk you face.

Like everything else, take what you learn

And apply it in the next case.

Until you land on one who's right

For you and you for him.

Sometimes there are lessons to be learned

Throughout the interim.

So just believe, have faith assured

In the Powers That Be each day.

Use your insight, share your love,

And you won't be a divorcee.

From the book "One Heart's Journey" by Kate McGahan

c.2000

Did God Take Him Away to Punish Me?

Dear Jack,
If it wasn't for my dog I would surely be dead or in prison. He had this little look he would give me like he was saying, You Know You Shouldn't Do That, then he would come up and lick my face like he still loved me. He really turned my life around. He was a God send. I thought at first God took him to punish me for things I've done but a Preacher told me God loves all the things we do and wasn't like that. 
Could that be true? 
Pete

Dear Pete,
Oh my friend it's true. God was not punishing you at all. You cannot lose God and you cannot lose your dog either. They both live in a Place Beyond Time. Try to keep your beautiful dog in the present tense, because Love Never Dies. It's hard to realize amidst your grief and your loss that your dog still is very much alive in spirit and soul. He is not in your past. He is your Now. He is your Forever.  He is your Always. 

It was the voice in your own head that you projected into your dog's head that said, “You Know You Shouldn’t Do That.” Your dog never ever stood in judgment or blame, not for a moment. God was simply giving you a glimpse of Him and His Love through your dog's awareness, forgiveness and acceptance of All That You Are. All. That. You are. You are loved. You are accepted. You are forgiven. This is what we come to teach you and this is why God sends us.  We are His gifts to you so that you can know how much you are Loved. 

I love you too.
Jack

Did He Know I Loved Him?

Dear Jack, 

It's 4am and I cant sleep. I really want to know what my boy went through at the end, not that it will help or maybe it would. I just want to hear that he didn't suffer too much. 

I Love You and I Know You Love Me Too

Dear One,

The fact that you were there with him offsets any suffering your boy may have had. Being surrounded by love always alleviates pain and suffering. When we love, our endorphins kick in. Endorphins are the natural antidepressants that are created in the natural pharmacy in our bodies. When we are loved, we are more immune to feeling the effects of discomfort. Some of us choose to die alone. Some of choose to be at the side of the one who loved us. Just like people, animals are all different and they have the ability to make some choices such as this. 

His suffering was short-lived compared to the life he lived and loved with you....and all of that life is but a blink of an eye when compared to the eternal life he is living now. It was just a tiny moment in time. You'll see when you are together again with him. You'll see how it all works and you will look back and say how foolish you were to worry so. But worry, it's the human condition. It cannot be helped. Worry is your teacher. 

Did he know you loved him?  The answer to this is the non-prescription drug that brings peace to everyone. Ahhhh, to know they were loved! We all need to know we are loved and we need to believe that those we love the most know that they are loved in return. Love is the drug. Love is the key. Love is the answer. Love is the question. Love is the secret. Love is everything. While you continue to suffer, he has moved beyond suffering. He is not suffering now. When we enter Rainbow Bridge ---and ultimately Heaven--- any of the "bad" memories leave us. The physical scars and feelings heal instantaneously and if he hurts, it's only because you are still unhappy. 

The best thing you can do, now that you know he knows you love him, is to love yourself. Love yourself so much that there is no room for guilt and second-guessing.  

LOVE,

Jack

The Jack McAfghan Trilogy is available on Amazon Worldwide in Print and on Kindle. Click here for more information! Our story is your story too. 💖

Anger Is Part of Grief

Who has been the source of your anger? 

Yourself? 

Do you blame yourself? 

The vet? 

The people around you who seem not to care? 

God? 

Anger is a part of the grief process and it can be very scary, especially if you were never allowed or encouraged to express anger. 

Feel it. Heal it. Let it go. 

My book will show you how. 

http://amzn.to/2ipa4zE

The Guilt of Grief

What's typically the first thing you say to yourself when someone you love has died?  "I wasn't there."  "I should've called more often." "I should have loved them more." "I wish we'd ended on a more positive note."  

And when it comes to your four-legged friends? "I wish we'd taken more walks." "I should have fed her healthier food." "I waited too long to take him to the vet."  "I took him to the vet too soon." "I could've done more. I didn't do enough."  It's the human condition to go through this torment in one's mind. 

Some humans try to control so many circumstances in their lives. They think they are responsible for holding their world together. Then they find out in difficult times, that they are not really in control of much of anything at all. It was all a facade and many go through high hoops and spend a lot of energy trying to prove to themselves that they can control everything. It is humbling and eventually it is free-ing for them to find out that they had no power over what happened. You do not have to hold the world together. God takes care of that. Your job is to try to control your mind and let the power of the love in your heart lead the way through the shadows and out the other side. 

Jack McAfghan: Return from Rainbow Bridge

Keep in mind that when you have no control over something, YOU CANNOT BLAME YOURSELF. There are some people who are so controlling that they leave decisions up to someone else so in the event it is the wrong decision they can maintain their "innocence" and blame the one who made the decision! You silly willy humans! It's all such a common and often unconscious game that only goes to keep you apart from each other. 

Guilt and Blame is a common thread for all who grieve and yet there is nothing you could've done or should've done. It was out of your hands. After all, you know what the outcome would have been if you had an ounce of say in the matter...In the Guilt of Grief, you are completely innocent. Higher Powers are at the helm of circumstance and destiny. They know what They are doing and why. There are reasons you cannot possibly know now, but you will someday. What you CAN control is how you respond to what happens to you. It's one more thing we come to teach you. The fact is that You loved and your love is always enough.  

"You can't turn back the clock. You cannot change the circumstances. You never could change them. They were set in Destiny, in the fate of the Rainbow Time Schedule. Even things that might seem to be accidents were pre-destined. You need to love yourself as much as your pet loves you...and forgive yourself for everything. You are not guilty of anything."  
from the book, Jack McAfghan: Reflections on Life with my Master by Kate McGahan

The One Thing That Keeps You Stuck in the Grief

Dear Jack: 

The hardest thing I'm dealing with right now is my guilt. I have lost people in my life, including my best human friend and my mother. Losing my Heart and Soul pet has hit me harder than anything and I miss him more than anyone ever and that is why I feel guilty. I've never admitted this to anyone other than a total stranger I happened to walk into at a doctors appt. who admitted the same thing after telling her about my best friend.

Sincerely,

Lost in Guilt

Dear Lost, 

You are no longer lost because the moment you realize what is holding you back, is the moment you can begin to move forward. It is part of the Acceptance process. 

During our years of working hospice we found that guilt is the #1 grief issue 90% of the time. Have you read my book yet because we address this in detail. That's one of the reasons we wrote my first book. Kate was riddled with guilt. She was stuck in the guilt of grief for six months or more. When you finally accept that guilt in unnecessary, you will emerge from the depths of the darkness, You find out that you are free and you realize that there is plenty of hope for healing and living a normal life again. A better than normal life for what we have taught you by our leaving. 

Guilt is all so unnecessary. Did you know that guilt doesn't even exist except in your own mind? But that might be too much for you to process right now. Please if you haven't already, get my book and let me comfort you on this topic. I will bring your best friend to you and release you both from the chains of guilt. In about 3-4 hours you can be in a totally different place. Please don't be afraid to go there. Your pet's world will open up when yours does. You are both connected and your grief impacts him. Now don't feel guilty about that too! It's a normal and human part of the process. 

Learn about it. Do it for you and do it for your best friend.

Our books are available on Amazon Worldwide. Click here to view my page on Amazon.com!

Love,

Jack

A Message from Kate: The One Year Mark

My Dad passed within hours of Jack -- we will never know exactly when. I called him at 9 a.m. and at 11 a.m. and then I called the apartment manager to check on him. The police came to my door to let me know at 3 p.m. It was 12 hours between Jack's passing and the realization that my Dad was gone too.

You cannot separate grief. Grief is grief however you look at it. It does get complicated, however, when you think maybe you should have had a Facebook group named for your Dad instead of for your dog! But anyone who knows me says "Jack is the one who was always there for you, Kate. He was the one who loved you unconditionally - in a way that your human family cannot." Ultimately Jack was there for Dad too, on that first day away from this earth. Maybe my Dad finally learned the value of a dog. No doubt he needed Jack to help him find his way across the chasm -- perhaps even holding the curl of Jack's golden tail, as I had done so often in the dark, as they walked over the bridge together.

Sometimes it doesn't seem like it gets better with time. That's because when we first "lose" someone we love, we are in shock. Then time passes. The shock wears off and THEN we FEEL. OMG! What?! They say Time Heals but at first Time only seems to make us FEEL! It makes us FEEL BAD! But it's really just a crazy phase. It's a process. Once we get through that hurdle, there are some bumps in the road, but we do get better and better as we travel it.

Typical Stages - Not Everyone is the Same

Right about the time we begin to feel better, we bring the damper down upon it. Our joy is smothered by our perceived guilt and our self-blame. We do it to ourselves. Guilt is an illusion, created by man to have a weapon of control and emotional manipulation. It's the human condition. Guilt is an illusion. Guilt leads us to believe that someone else is ultimately responsible for our happiness. That is not true. It is not real. Yet we treat it like it has power over us. 

At Rainbow Bridge, all that matters is love. All that exists is love. Our pets, when they were here beside us on earth, all they knew was love. Love is what they came here to teach us; not guilt and shame. 

When you find the joy again or when something makes you smile, put your hands upon your heart and HOLD IT there! The heart is where the ones we have loved still live and they will help us to be happy again. By keeping ourselves happy, we keep them happy too. 

Keep the focus on the strength and power of the heart. 

What's On Your Heart Today: The Battle Over the Mind 🐾

Dear Jack, 

Two months ago today my Teddy was taken. So many thoughts and so much anguish. I know it was already set in motion. I couldn't have done anything to stop it, but still doesn't keep me from thinking I might have jinxed things. 

Last year we were fostering a dog from a rescue and I really wanted to keep her, I went back/forth-told myself we didn't need 3 dogs. Did end up adopting her, and now Teddy is gone, so maybe I really wasn't supposed to have 3 dogs! I have used tanning beds in the past, but early this summer I read a story about a girl with cancer that was enough to make me stop tanning. Someone asked me about it and I said I didn't want to get cancer, so maybe OK not me, but then my dog gets it!?

I seem to be distancing myself from our other 2 dogs. I take care of them, it's not like I"m ignoring them, and I do snuggle on the couch and play with them but on some level I suppose I don't want to go through that heartbreak again by being so consumed by my love for the dog that it hurts this much. I love them of course, but not like I did Teddy. He was MY baby. And I suppose I resent them a little, that they are here and he is not. I know they are grieving for him too, so we all need to be in this together. I truly am usually a sensible person but all this is thinking from my heart and not my head. 

Love,
Olivia 


Dearest Olivia, 

THIS IS NOT COMING FROM YOUR HEART, THIS KIND OF CONFUSION COMES FROM YOUR HEAD. 'I know it was already set in motion,' you say. This is coming from your heart. 'It doesn't keep me from thinking (!) I might have jinxed things.'  This, as you reveal by your words, is coming from your head.

I am not being critical of you, but I must tell you that when things come from your heart they are always clear, loving, accepting of all present past and future. You heart is unconditionally supportive of YOU and any decisions you have made; actions you have taken. This is the spirit us dogs live in every day of our existence. Everything is okay when you live from the love in your heart. 

When I turned 8 years of age, Kate decided to get another dog as a companion for me...but also as a "back up plan" for someday when I crossed over the Rainbow.  Enter Joey.  I had been the only "child" since Grady crossed the Rainbow Bridge in 2009. Now it was 2013. Joey was needy and demanding and jealous. Kate was trying to balance the two of us and, while I was never very demanding, she believed that I was being pushed out. She felt like I felt like I wasn't the priority to her that I was before Joey came into our life. It actually made her resentful of Joey too, for "pushing me out". This, of course, was her MIND at work. She was projecting her feelings onto Joey and me when it was not the case at all.  

Joey and Me -- in that order

When it came time for me to leave,  Kate wondered if I left so that she could "have" Joey all to herself. She felt guilt and shame and blame, thinking that something she did caused me to want to leave her. My leaving her had nothing to do with any of that. Dogs aren't like people. We don't sit around remembering the so-called Good Old Days. We don't think thoughts like: "Gosh, I wish my life was different than the one I'm living." "I wish we didn't have this other dog in the family." "Why can't I be this, do that, go there, have that?" We take things in stride. We accept life and what it brings us at face value and we appreciate everything we have. We are what we are, we live with What Is and we love who we love. Everything is accepted and unconditional. We live in The Moment all the time. 

My Favorite Spot --
She Always Thought I Was Thinking About Stuff (because that's what she'd be doing if she were me)
but I was just watching and living fully in the moment. 

Please honor your remaining dogs by letting go of this guilt and shame and making room for the love and compassion in your heart that you have for them. The love is there, but your own feelings cloud your relationship with them right now. They may not be your Heart and Soul dogs, but they are yours and they love you and they need to know you still love them. We are very sensitive to the feelings of the ones we love and, like children, we need to be told what is going on and we need to know that you still love us...even though things are different now. 

It is natural to think about all these things, Olivia. You are only human. What if? How come? Maybe this and maybe that. The fact is, things happened the way they did and you cannot keep beating yourself up about what you might have done or could have done differently. You can only accept things as they are; you cannot turn back the clock. You cannot change the circumstances. You never could change them. They were set in destiny, in the fate of the Rainbow Time Schedule. Even things that might seem to be accidents were pre-destined. You need to love yourself as much as your pet loves you ...and forgive yourself for everything. You are not guilty of anything. 

Nothing Can Change My Love For You

We are not watching you from the Rainbow thinking: "Jeez, if only she hadn't done that!" We are only loving you, accepting you, wanting you to be at peace and free of the thoughts that torment you so that you can live and love again. We think from our hearts and not our heads, we always have, and we want you to do the same. 

Love,
Jack 🐾

Why Does My Mind Keep Replaying the Trauma?

Dear Jack, 
My cat died somewhat suddenly last night. Everything was fine and then it was 45 unanticipated minutes of struggle and racing to the Emergency Animal Hospital. I am trying so hard not to cry today, to celebrate his life rather than to dwell on last night. Why is it that my mind is on constant replay of the horrific way he struggled and passed?  I so want time to hurry up, to be next week or next month so I do not break down. No matter how many one loses it does not seem to get any easier...
Love,
Sue

Dear Sue, 
Please go easy on yourself. You have lost someone near and dear to you. It is totally natural that you would need to shed tears, cry and weep over your loss. If you restrain your tears, it could make you sick. Your tears need to be released.

Remember there are Five Stages of Grief that we travel through when we lose someone.

The "Replay Phenomenon" that we all tend to go through to one extent or another is our mind's natural way of processing trauma and loss. It is natural to replay in your mind the details and circumstances of any kind of trauma that changes your life. Deep in your heart you know what is true. Your mouth speaks the truth, "My cat has died." but you still don't want to believe it. You go over and over and over it in your mind because you are in the stage of denial. Your heart replays the scene for you, for the express purpose of teaching you to accept what has happened. While your heart tries to "rewire" your mind to accept and understand what has happened, your mind keeps looking for a different answer. It doesn't like the truth. Alas you keep getting the same answer; the scene always ends the same way. Every time you see it replaying, you say to yourself, "No. It cannot be true." Replay. Replay. "No." "No". Every time you argue, "No". Much of this you aren't even conscious of. You just know you feel terrible, tired, lost and confused.

The grief process includes this complex defense mechanism of the body's heart and mind. The trauma is simply too much information to process all at once. Just like when you are learning something that is complicated, you need to read it over and over until you understand it. You need to take the course again. You need to watch the video one more time to grasp the lesson. You finally learn. One day, in a time that is not predesigned, you have to admit that, "Yes" it is true. What happened is true and your loved one is gone. They aren't coming back to this place. Once you comprehend this, you can move forward with acceptance in the deepest part of your mind. 

The difficulty arises when you get stuck in the saying, "No, no, no, no..." and "No" becomes a habit. The head and the heart become disconnected. You get stuck in your head and you forget about your heart and what it knows to be true. You make what your head is saying stronger than what your heart is saying. 

Your head is not necessarily your friend. It does not tell you to forgive yourself. Your head will tend to tell you that you are guilty; that you must have done something wrong. When you are stuck in your head, you cannot access the love in your heart that is forgiveness for all (including you) and belief in the love of everything. The heart is your true strength, but your mind thinks that it is the stronger of the two. When you are stuck, the bridge between your head and your heart needs to be reconstructed.

If you are stuck in the replay groove of pain and need to join your head back with your heart, focus on your heart. Give it some attention. Treat it like a very dear friend whom you have neglected. Stop crying for just a little while. Breathe deeply. Clear your mind. Lay your hands upon your heart and feel its strength. Ask it for forgiveness. Ask it to bring you the peace of truth. Some people are in too much pain to be able to quiet their minds to do this. They may need the help of a professional or hospice counselor to get unstuck from the continual replaying of their grief.  

In the meantime, go easy on yourself. Give yourself permission to replay it a few times and then allow yourself to move ahead towards true healing. When you move ahead, you are one step closer to the Rainbow Bridge and one step closer to the one you love who resides there.   

Between a Rock and a Hard Place: Choosing Pain Over Pills

There seems to be a lot of guilt over the issues of pain pills and end of life treatments. People feel guilty if they didn't give them. People feel guilty if they did. People just feel guilty, it seems to me, no matter what they do or did. 

Every four hours she waited to give me my pain pills. I fought with her every time. She would cry as she forced them into my mouth. In our whole life together she had never had to force me to do anything I didn’t want to do.

I just didn’t want those pills. I was in pain, yes, but she didn’t know how awful those pills were for me! She kept trying to hide them in things – like cheese or bacon or yogurt or peanut butter. She thought I might not know they were in there. I didn’t even want to eat my favorite things at that point … and I sure didn’t want to eat those pills!

The last one she gave me was wrapped in a peanut butter cube. I remember how she watched the clock until 10 p.m. when she could give me the next dose. I took it. At 1 a.m. I sat up and looked her right in the eyes. I was very weak and going back and forth in consciousness. It was the first time I had sat up in many hours. She was spellbound, looking back at me, looking deep into my eyes. 

"What Jack. What is it?  Do you need something?" she asked me. I surprised her by spitting the entire peanut butter pill cube out on the floor between us. She knew then that I was serious about not wanting those pills! I lay my head back down and I crossed the Rainbow Bridge two hours later, clear thinking and unaffected by pills in my system.

I watched her after my spirit left my body. It was fascinating how she cleaned up the place! She washed all the dishes, the blankets, the floor. She had a little bowl where she had mixed the pills into yogurt. I watched her take the tip of her finger as she took a teeny tiny taste of the mixture. She recoiled. “Blech!” It was the most disgusting thing she had ever tasted. God knows I had tried to tell her.

I will be letting this memory go as soon as I finish this message to you. Like all dogs, cats and other animals, we leave such memories far behind. We are not like humans who torment themselves by dwelling on things long after the moment is gone. How is it that people can feel guilty about so many things? They deprive themselves of the sweetness of memories by embittering themselves with the guilt over a few painful moments.

To you, it all is Black and White. You are guilty or you're not. YOU'RE NOT! You're not guilty!!

Us animals, we only remember the good things. It’s the only way to be happy. In fact, when we arrive at the Rainbow we are required to shed every memory that was anything but happy. We cannot carry that kind of baggage with us. We are supposed to stay free and lightweight so we can fly like the angels we now are. The old baggage weighs us down and we must be rid of it before we come here. 

From here we often observe the ones we love, and we can only hope and pray that they will shed those memories too. They only harm and weigh heavily as they block the love that connects us. As long as guilt and shame and sadness are in the way, we cannot come together. We must be at the same level of peaceful vibration to be able to access one another. 

Please do what you can to stop thinking of the sad things and focus on the many many many amazing memories that took place in our beautiful life together. If you can do this, when the time comes, you will be able to cross over the Rainbow easily too. Please try!  In the meantime, I love you!