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SAMPLE CHAPTER...
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Only Gone From Your Sight:
Jack McAfghan's Little Guide to Pet Loss & Grief
by Kate McGahan

CHAPTER 4 

NOT ‘JUST’ A PET

It was hard for friends to know how to comfort her. After all, I had been like her child, her boyfriend, her husband and her best friend all wrapped up in one furry package. Pets can become like family members especially for those who do not have a family of their own.

Reflections on Life with My Master, Chapter 73

You might find it difficult to open up your heart and talk with most people because you fear they might think you crazy for loving me more than you’ve loved any human. All too many who deeply grieve the loss of a pet have been ‘reassured’ by a statement from a well-meaning friend, “It’s just a dog/ cat/ horse/ hamster/ rabbit/ parakeet... You can get another one.” Forgive them for they know not what they do or what they say.
   Even other animal owners might not understand. Some people who own pets are only master, not friend, and they miss out on the best parts of the human-animal bond. If only they could see that we are there to teach them and to give them the love that has otherwise been missing in their lives. The love most humans do not know how to give…or receive. These are the people who might laugh or sneer at you now when you call me your soulmate because they never have heard of such a thing. They think that all soulmates are romantic relationships between two people, not loving relationships between two beings, two friends, two soul travelers such as us. Pity them for what they do not know. Pity them that they cannot treat anyone else better than they treat themselves. Pity them for the love they’ve never had or recognized.

Love is chemistry beyond our control. When true love comes into your life it can transform you in the most extraordinary ways and change everything you ever believed in. You are never sure where true love is going to come from and it can be quite a surprise when it comes from your pet.

While it may sound strange that someone can grieve more deeply for a pet than for a human, there is a certain undeniable depth that comes from sharing a life of unconditional love. It doesn’t matter how many legs I have or how many you have, it’s a soul connection. No matter how we found each other, no matter how long we have been together, it is a relationship like no other. I have given you the kind of love that takes humans a lifetime to learn, if they ever learn. I know the power of love and I want to give it to you. It is the most powerful force in the universe. I came into this world to give true love to you and to draw true love out of you. How many people in your life do that?

Of course people do the best they can, giving and receiving their imperfect human love. There are a few special people on earth who are very old souls and they are capable of loving at a very deep level. They give the highest form of love; love that is divinely pure, honest and unconditional. It holds the loved one more precious than oneself. It sacrifices without complaint, without resentment, without keeping score. It gives and gives and expects nothing in return. It’s the same kind of love that I have given to you. I came into the world to love and be loved and I chose you. Love is why I came here. You are the reason I came. My love has become a part of you but you don’t seem to understand that yet. When I am gone you don’t seem to know who you are without me. You don’t know your identity without me. I will teach you. I will teach you through life and I will teach you through death. I will teach you that love never dies.

When you love from the depths of the soul in your heart, you are never apart from the one you love no matter how far away you seem to be. Even when I am gone from your sight, I am never gone from your heart. We live in the heart of one another for eternity, beyond the reaches of this world. The love runs deep. That's why it hurts so much for so long when we have to say “goodbye”. That’s also why you will get through this. Our love runs so deep that nothing can touch it, no, not even death. Our love will win. It always does when it is true.

I tried to comfort her. I spoke in a voice she could not hear. her grief and sadness drowned me out. I wanted to tell her what I have always known. That life is but a dream leading to love. Love, more powerful than her fear could ever be. Love cannot be destroyed. It grows and grows until it is stronger than death. 

Reflections on Life with MyMaster, Chapter 72

Soulmates change all the rules in the game of life. We have been brought together, you and me, by a common destiny. We have known each other before and we will know each other again. I will continue to transform you from beyond the grave and help you to see that love is more valuable and powerful than anything else.

There will be others who will not understand this kind of love. They will raise their eyebrows as they stand in judgment of you and comment how silly it is that you loved me this much. Don’t worry about them. I feel sorry for them. They obviously have never encountered a soulmate of their own or they would know better. They would know that traditional rules do not apply when a match is made in Heaven. Once you know this kind of love you will never question love again. You’ll know it when you see it. You’ll know it when you feel it. You will never be confused by something that is something else.

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY BECAUSE 

OUR LOVE WILL SEE US THROUGH.

LOVE NEVER DIES.  

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The Guilt of Grief

What's typically the first thing you say to yourself when someone you love has died?  "I wasn't there."  "I should've called more often." "I should have loved them more." "I wish we'd ended on a more positive note."  

And when it comes to your four-legged friends? "I wish we'd taken more walks." "I should have fed her healthier food." "I waited too long to take him to the vet."  "I took him to the vet too soon." "I could've done more. I didn't do enough."  It's the human condition to go through this torment in one's mind. 

Some humans try to control so many circumstances in their lives. They think they are responsible for holding their world together. Then they find out in difficult times, that they are not really in control of much of anything at all. It was all a facade and many go through high hoops and spend a lot of energy trying to prove to themselves that they can control everything. It is humbling and eventually it is free-ing for them to find out that they had no power over what happened. You do not have to hold the world together. God takes care of that. Your job is to try to control your mind and let the power of the love in your heart lead the way through the shadows and out the other side. 

Jack McAfghan: Return from Rainbow Bridge

Keep in mind that when you have no control over something, YOU CANNOT BLAME YOURSELF. There are some people who are so controlling that they leave decisions up to someone else so in the event it is the wrong decision they can maintain their "innocence" and blame the one who made the decision! You silly willy humans! It's all such a common and often unconscious game that only goes to keep you apart from each other. 

Guilt and Blame is a common thread for all who grieve and yet there is nothing you could've done or should've done. It was out of your hands. After all, you know what the outcome would have been if you had an ounce of say in the matter...In the Guilt of Grief, you are completely innocent. Higher Powers are at the helm of circumstance and destiny. They know what They are doing and why. There are reasons you cannot possibly know now, but you will someday. What you CAN control is how you respond to what happens to you. It's one more thing we come to teach you. The fact is that You loved and your love is always enough.  

"You can't turn back the clock. You cannot change the circumstances. You never could change them. They were set in Destiny, in the fate of the Rainbow Time Schedule. Even things that might seem to be accidents were pre-destined. You need to love yourself as much as your pet loves you...and forgive yourself for everything. You are not guilty of anything."  
from the book, Jack McAfghan: Reflections on Life with my Master by Kate McGahan

If The Fates Allow: How Do I Get Through The Holidays?

Dear Jack, 

As Christmas draws near, I find myself terrified of listening to old songs or following normal traditions like putting up the tree and even buying presents. I seem ok to my family and friends because I still pretend that I'm ok. I want to do these things, but at the same time, I'm terrified of all they will remind me of. Baby Gus was always the happiest when we did these things. We now have a new furry angel in our lives but I still miss Gus so much. How do I get through the holidays without breaking down into a million pieces?

Love,

Marcy

Dear Marcy, 

I normally suggest that you Stay In Your Truth most of the time. However, if you have to pretend a bit to get through the holiday upcoming, you have to pretend.  It can actually help to "Fake It Till You Make It". Going through the motions is far better for healing than not facing the reality of life at all. 

Even Kate flew from NY to AZ on Christmas Day just so she wouldn't have to be at home with family "celebrating" the joy of the season, four months after my crossing the Bridge. She did not feel joy at the time. It was easier for her to be sitting on a plane with strangers and changing planes in airports than doing what she'd normally do with family and friends. She was fairly successful at dealing with it.

She had a silver paw print pendant that she carried with her. It hung on a chain over her heart. When things got tough, she took it out, held it and rubbed it like a comfort stone. Sometimes having something subtle and tangible helps defer the anxiety and nervous energy. It's okay to talk about it too, but not too much to those who don't understand or they start to think about committing you to an institution after the holiday is over! Lol. It can also be quite handy to excuse oneself and go to bed early. That's okay to a point. Balance is the key. Balance the holi-day and balance as you move forward to the next anniversary without your friend. Balance is the key to all healing. Time will take care of the rest.

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This year Kate is creating something new. A new holiday tradition with me in mind. Something she will do forever from this point on. Creating new traditions is a very good way to move forward and to honor us at the same time.  She always wanted a Nativity Set. She is going to buy one for herself, gifting it: "To Kate From Jack". Even now she is trying to figure out where to get a tiny "Jack" figurine to put in the barn with Baby Jesus!  (I don't know if she'll find a figurine, but just putting me in the picture above made her laugh--- and that's a good thing!  Whatever makes you laugh or smile, just DO THAT.) 

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Just try to keep it positive. Keep moving forward. Try to find some kind of joy in the season, even if you have to put a gift under the tree from "me".  

Love,
Jack