Dear Jack: Many of My Friends Just Don't Seem to Care

This is one of the many things your pets come to teach. Many of you have found out who your truest friends are as you work through your grief. Who can you turn to? Are you surprised who is there? Are you surprised who is not? One of the things we teach you in our departure is to open your eyes to see Who Is Really There for you. Who loves and supports you through it all? This is a true friend. Meanwhile, we still love you from the other side with a love that never dies.

Love, Jack 🐾

www.katemcgahan.com/jacksbooks

Be a Hero of Love Instead of a Victim of Loss

   

   How? How do I stay with something when I want to leave? How? 

How do I let go of something when I don't want it to go?

Two words: Love & Commitment. Those of you who are making progress know this -- and there are so many of you, I'm so proud of you. It takes love. That's all. LOVE heals the grief. It takes making love stronger than your grief. Being a hero of love instead of a victim of loss.

Make the commitment to feel better again -- for your sake and theirs. It just takes starting at page one in "Reflections." For so long as you cry and weep and grieve, your best friend will mournfully be waiting to see you smile again. When they walked this earth with you they did not like to see you unhappy, did they? They still walk the earth with you, beyond the thin veil that separates, and they still look at you with mournfulness, waiting to see you happy again. Once you start smiling and living life again, they can truly be free.

If you've read our books, you'll learn how to get from here to there. If you haven't read our books, they wait patiently for you to begin your journey out of grief -- and back into love.

The Jack McAfghan Pet Loss Series

A Dog's Memoirs on Life and the Afterlife

Available on Amazon https://amzn.to/3BVjoFO

Life is the School, Love is the Lesson, Grief is Our Teacher

 

Only those who avoid love can avoid the pain of grief. Grief has a Grand Plan. Grief teaches you to quiet yourself and learn to tune into the unseen world around you. Getting through grief will strengthen your faith in that which you cannot see. 

When we struggle we can die. When we resist we can get hurt. Surrender to the grief. You are not required to feel anything. Just FEEL whatever feelings come.  Don't be afraid of them. They will not hurt you any more than struggle and resistance.  

Only those who avoid love can avoid the pain of grief. Don't let yourself be one of them. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile --- and it's only a ride, this life. The Real Life is Yet To Come. 

Keep the faith. Keep going. Keep growing. It will all be worth it in the end --- in the beginning. 

We Hear You Wherever You Are, Wherever We Are

 

Book 5, "Letters from Rainbow Bridge"

The Jack McAfghan Pet Loss Series

A Dog's Memoirs on Life and the Afterlife

Available on Amazon https://amzn.to/37XQMOM

A Walk In The Rain Turns into an Unexpected Date with Love

It's the anniversary of my crossing. Late this afternoon she went out in the pouring rain. She didn't really know why she went out there, but I think she heard my heart calling her heart. She doesn't always listen she's so busy hearing with her ears and thinking with her head. Humans have to pay attention to that feeling in their gut, in their heart, or they miss a lot. 

She went right to the place where we would sit after a long hike and overlook the wash below. If you've read our book, it's the same place where I sent her the lightning bolt and the hummingbird moth so long ago.  Today as she sat there she was talking with me, tears rolling, but not crying. I covered her with my "signature" goosebumps -- It's as close I can get to hugging her full body from behind. It is always the same. I always send her the same feeling. That's how she know's it's me. She was chilled by the rain, but her back was warm with my love. "I can feel you Jack. I know you're here with me." 

As she spoke to me, she thanked me for all I have done for her and for helping everyone who reads my story. It pleases us so much -- all of us at Rainbow Bridge-- to be able to help so many people work through their grief. Her words made me so happy that I sent a most beautiful amber light that lit up our wash like it was a flood light on a stage set. It was lightning, yes, but it lingered longer than a mere bolt. Like so many miracles from Rainbow Bridge, it can't really be described. As soon as the light came, the thunder rolled from one side of the wash to the other. It rolled long and deep. Then it rolled high above her as it traveled up over the nearby mesa. 

I know she knows the truth. I was the thunder. I was the lightning too. I knew she knew it was me because when she said, "Thank you. Thank you Jack," she was crying because she knew in her heart that it all was my response to her.  

...And the brave mourning dove who usually becomes uneasy with such things and flies away, she remained in the nearby tree and stayed for the whole show. 

So many things can happen when you pay attention... and when you rise to the call.

"I'll Never Accept This Loss" - ACCEPTANCE - Stage 5

Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. 

This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually, we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. 

In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We must learn to reorganize roles and priorities, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. 

As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. 

We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time. Be patient with yourself and those around you. Time and support will help you to heal the wounds of grief. 

Consider reading the Jack McAfghan Trilogy if you cannot find the support you need in the corners of your life. Visit www.katemcgahan.com and sign up for your free book, "It's Not Putting Me Down, It's Lifting Me Up."  Follow Jack on Facebook. Jack is always there to guide, support and love you through the journey. Our story is your story too. Jack's voice is the voice of your beloved. 

Prayers for your journey. 

Do You Love Me Enough to do This?

Letting Go - Balloons

When we are faced with a difficult life challenge there is usually a lesson in it. Most of our life lessons are about Love 

and about Letting Go. 

Letting Go doesn't mean you don't love them anymore. Letting Go doesn't mean you won't miss them anymore. You can never cut the ties that bind two souls together who truly love each other. What you DO need to cut is the Leash of Grief and Guilt that binds them to you and prevents them from doing what is best for them.

As They say, set something free and if it was yours to begin with, it will come back. It's natural law, in Heaven and on Earth and in all the spaces in between life and death and life. Your loved ones cannot come back from a place they have not yet arrived. 

If you are looking for Signs and not finding them, take a look at what you are doing. If your best friend is still on the leash of your grief, your best friend is not yet free to be everything he or she can be. 

Letting Go is the most important thing you can do for both of you. It is the ultimate act of faith... and you will be rewarded for it. 

Breathe. Then Let Go. It's time.

You say you love. Do you love them enough to let them go? 

Do you trust them enough to have the faith that they will never leave?  Do you trust yourself enough to have the faith that if they leave, you will still be okay? 

"'Do not cling to me,' said Jesus, 'for I have not yet ascended to the Father.'"

John 20:17

(Jesus to Mary Magdalene) 

Spring Prayers for Those Who Grieve

Everything is going to be alright. Love never dies and the end of this life is not the end of life at all.  Something that appears to be the ending is always just the beginning of something else.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Have you read any of my other books?  Did you enjoy them? If so, please consider rating them on Amazon to let others know they are worth the read. Reviews mean everything to me. I am not allowed to give anything in exchange for a great review, but if I could I would give you the world. Prayers going out to all who struggle. It sounds cliche but this too shall pass. After all, nothing lasts forever but Love. 

Sharing 35 Years of Hospice and Spiritual Work and Study

I'm thinking of those who grieve as the first day of Spring arrives. Some of you still have snow and are living in the seemingly relentless cold shadows of winter. Some of you have floods. Some of you are still grieving the loss of a loved one.  Spring should be a time of renewal but for those who struggle, it can have the opposite effect. Winter can seem relentless. While the rest of the world celebrates the sunshine on the crocus and the daffodil, those who grieve often remain in the shadows.  

My latest book, an adapted version of my pet loss book by the same title, is designed to guide you through the grief related to a human loved one. Whether you are missing a partner, spouse, child, parent, other family member or friend, this book will give you what took me 35 years working with hospice and end-of-life to learn. It is a spiritual book that speaks to you from your loved one on the Other Side. It might just be the one thing that can bring the thaw to the winter of grief within your heart.   

The Kindle version is currently On Sale for just 99 cents until this weekend.  If you are nervous about reading an EBook, I want to reassure you that if you can read this email on your device, you can read my EBooks on your device too. It's really easy! You'll see!  

 Have you read any of my other books?  Did you enjoy them? If so, please consider rating them on Amazon to let others know they are worth the read. Reviews mean everything to me. I am not allowed to give anything in exchange for a great review, but if I could I would give you the world. Prayers going out to all who struggle. It sounds cliche but this too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever but Love. 

Find Book 6 HERE.  Start healing your heart in a matter of minutes.  

The Importance of Releasing Your Pain

It's not about letting go of the love. It's about letting go of the grief.

Don't Be Afraid To Grieve. You Can Never Lose The Ones You Love. Love Never Dies.

I had been suffering in silence the loss of my dog, Jack, my father, my home in Sedona and the ending of a decade-long relationship -- all which took place within a four month period.  I had been an end-of-life social worker and hospice counselor for three decades. Always I would advise my clients to stay connected with others, share their pain when they can and be cautious not to isolate themselves. I did not practice my own preaching.  Part of me was afraid that if I stopped grieving that Jack would then be even further away from me, but that wasn't true at all. Remaining isolated, I continued feeling victimized by my loss and life changes. 

In those decades of working with all kinds of people from all walks of life, it was the Veterans who had served in active duty during wartime that seemed to be carrying the most baggage with them at the end of their lifetime. Some were able to connect with like-minded supports but most, especially those from the greatly-misunderstood war in Vietnam, held onto their pain like they held onto their very lives during active duty. As if by letting go they would fall apart. Seeds of darkness had been planted in their heads and hearts all those years ago and most preferred to look the other way thinking they were strong enough to cover up the pain and leave the gory details behind.

But pain longheld does not go away on it's own.  It needs release.  It needs to be acknowledged and shared. The sharing of it is what releases its grip.  Many of these veterans will release tensions, tears and emotions in their final hours of life, never knowing that their lives would have been much brighter and freer had they not stuffed their memories away in the dark archives of their being. It is human nature to release regrets, trauma and reactive memories as one's time of death approaches.

"A string of flashbacks came to me... all of them flashed before my eyes. The painful memories came to say goodbye. They are filtered out of us at the end of life. We cannot take them where we're going because they only weigh us down." 

Jack McAfghan: Reflections: A Dog's Memoir on Life After Death, Book 1

You Don't Need to Bear Your Burdens Alone. You Are Not Alone.

A unique example of the power of the unspoken surprised even me.  One Christmas Eve when I was in college and home for the holidays, my mother and I drove to the mall to pick up a jacket for my grandfather. There was a snow storm but the jacket was of utmost importance.  Suddenly our Volkswagen skidded on the black ice and we ended up in the ditch; my left knee went through the dashboard radio. My mother never noticed and I didn't point it out. Help eventually arrived and we went home.  My knee swelled up like a football, but Stoic Me I did not share my pain mostly because I had a weight problem and I did not want my family to see my body, my skin, my fat, my huge swollen knee.  It took a long time to heal but eventually I healed, silently and alone. 

About twenty years later, I scheduled a Reiki Massage with an intuitive healer. At a certain point he was working on my left leg and he said, "What happened to your knee?"  My honest reply, "Nothing happened to my knee."  (I had hidden it away so long that I didn't even consciously remember that it had taken place). "Oh yes something happened...." and then he said, "I see a little red car spinning out of control."  OMG.  How did he see this when it had been erased from my very own memory?  Why... because our bodies remember. Our hearts remember long after the mind has forgotten. Anything you hold inside of yourself without expression remains inside of you until you express it and set it free.

Perhaps you too have pain that you have suffered in silence.  Those of you who know my story know that at the six month mark after my initial loss, my dog Jack came to me and he guided the pen in my hand to write a dozen pages, him speaking his heart to mine. Writing our story. That was the beginning of my healing.

If you are suffering and don't know where to turn, consider writing down the circumstances, your feelings, your story.  If you don't like to write you can draw it. Sing it. Dance it. The very act of expressing something in a journal, a diary, a private place - is the beginning of release.  After being "trapped" in your mind and heart for days, weeks, months, maybe even years, dare bring it into the light of day on the lines of your paper, the pages in your sketchbook. Already you will feel better -- but that is just the beginning.  

My writing our story was one thing, sharing it was another. Ultimately the best thing you can do is to share your story with someone you trust, someone who understands and accepts you.  You don't have to do what I did and share your story worldwide, but it would be a very good step for you to reach out to family or friends. If you do not feel safe sharing with them, find a very good counselor or support group that will guide you through the rollercoaster of emotions that you will experience during your time of grief. Grief is a trauma and trauma must be processed and released before you can live your life fully again.  The right group will not only support you but the right group can even enhance your life moving forward.  

Don't hold it in. Release it and then let it go.  

If you are suffering the loss of a pet, I invite you to visit our Facebook Support Group and find out how powerful it can be to share with others who understand, validate you and help you to grow into a whole new you.  The new you who is stronger and wiser than ever for your experience of love and loss. 

xo

Kate  

The Natural Cycle of Life and Death -- and Life

IF YOU WERE A FLOWER: THE NATURAL CYCLE OF LIFE

An excerpt from our latest book, 

Only Gone From Your Sight: A Personal Approach to Human Grief & Loss

"Even the tiniest perennial grows only to die. It comes back again and again when the season and the time is right. Even annual flowers grow seeds as they grow so that they can drop the seeds of themselves and live again year after year, life after life." 

The Lizard from Rainbow Bridge, Chapter 11

Nature continually reminds us of the natural cycles of life. If you were a flower, when the harshness of winter comes you would pull yourself deep inside to protect yourself from freezing, to prevent yourself from dying. You toughen up the outside, close yourself up and go deep within where you are always safe.

Then after quite a long while there comes a bit of warmth and a welcoming day brings with it the thaw. Spring comes and something inside of you stirs. You realize you’ve survived another winter. The ice melts away and you can feel the outside of yourself again. As the warmth so long gone from your life surrounds you, you decide maybe it’s worth blooming again for another season. Hope returns to your heart as you prepare for new life.

You begin to open again as the sun fuels your soul. Your energy returns. An infusion of life force comes to you, giving you more power than you have known since you went into hibernation. This power is the force that pushes you to develop your stems, to press through the soil, to stretch forth and reach towards the light again.

Sometimes Spring can make you an April fool, bringing a bluff! What you planned on, the rain that waters your roots so that you can grow again, turns unexpectedly to ice then snow and it finds you unsuspecting. You are vulnerable and alone, exposed and unprotected. Your tender life is threatened. In some seasons the storm will pass quickly and you will survive; other seasons you can be hurt so deeply that you must withdraw and retreat deep into your roots where you will take the remaining seasons off to rebuild yourself and prepare for the distant day when Spring returns and gives you another chance to thrive.

Despite everything in this year you have survived and in the next season you will grow hardy and beautiful, thriving for the harshness that once threatened you. The early blooms that sprouted, only to be frozen, pinched back by Nature Herself, are destined to return brighter and stronger than ever.

This is the YOU that has grown from the cold harsh winter of your loss. You are the flower that is destined to bloom again. You are the root. You are the bloom. You are the spirit; you are the soul that lives inside every living thing. With each passing season you become stronger and wiser. You go deeper and deeper within where your power can be found. Your roots reach further and further into the quiet nourishing protective earthy space that surrounds you. Look how far you’ve come from being the fragile shoot that first made itself known in the landscape of life!

Your colorful blooms will burst forth stretching now to the sky and you’ll show no fear because you know that no matter what happens you will adjust to the climate that surrounds you and you will be okay. It’s what you’ve learned.

And so it goes.

Only Gone From Your Sight: For Humans. Coming December 2018.

Written in the style of "Only Gone From Your Sight: Jack McAfghan's Little Guide to Pet Loss & Grief," Book 6 shares material that applies to human beings but includes additional material related to planning, options for end of life care and encouragement and support to help humans with their loss of their human loved ones.   

COMING TO AMAZON in DECEMBER.

PREORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!  

"Only Gone From Your Sight" - #1 New Release on Amazon

SAMPLE CHAPTER...
from 
Only Gone From Your Sight:
Jack McAfghan's Little Guide to Pet Loss & Grief
by Kate McGahan

CHAPTER 4 

NOT ‘JUST’ A PET

It was hard for friends to know how to comfort her. After all, I had been like her child, her boyfriend, her husband and her best friend all wrapped up in one furry package. Pets can become like family members especially for those who do not have a family of their own.

Reflections on Life with My Master, Chapter 73

You might find it difficult to open up your heart and talk with most people because you fear they might think you crazy for loving me more than you’ve loved any human. All too many who deeply grieve the loss of a pet have been ‘reassured’ by a statement from a well-meaning friend, “It’s just a dog/ cat/ horse/ hamster/ rabbit/ parakeet... You can get another one.” Forgive them for they know not what they do or what they say.
   Even other animal owners might not understand. Some people who own pets are only master, not friend, and they miss out on the best parts of the human-animal bond. If only they could see that we are there to teach them and to give them the love that has otherwise been missing in their lives. The love most humans do not know how to give…or receive. These are the people who might laugh or sneer at you now when you call me your soulmate because they never have heard of such a thing. They think that all soulmates are romantic relationships between two people, not loving relationships between two beings, two friends, two soul travelers such as us. Pity them for what they do not know. Pity them that they cannot treat anyone else better than they treat themselves. Pity them for the love they’ve never had or recognized.

Love is chemistry beyond our control. When true love comes into your life it can transform you in the most extraordinary ways and change everything you ever believed in. You are never sure where true love is going to come from and it can be quite a surprise when it comes from your pet.

While it may sound strange that someone can grieve more deeply for a pet than for a human, there is a certain undeniable depth that comes from sharing a life of unconditional love. It doesn’t matter how many legs I have or how many you have, it’s a soul connection. No matter how we found each other, no matter how long we have been together, it is a relationship like no other. I have given you the kind of love that takes humans a lifetime to learn, if they ever learn. I know the power of love and I want to give it to you. It is the most powerful force in the universe. I came into this world to give true love to you and to draw true love out of you. How many people in your life do that?

Of course people do the best they can, giving and receiving their imperfect human love. There are a few special people on earth who are very old souls and they are capable of loving at a very deep level. They give the highest form of love; love that is divinely pure, honest and unconditional. It holds the loved one more precious than oneself. It sacrifices without complaint, without resentment, without keeping score. It gives and gives and expects nothing in return. It’s the same kind of love that I have given to you. I came into the world to love and be loved and I chose you. Love is why I came here. You are the reason I came. My love has become a part of you but you don’t seem to understand that yet. When I am gone you don’t seem to know who you are without me. You don’t know your identity without me. I will teach you. I will teach you through life and I will teach you through death. I will teach you that love never dies.

When you love from the depths of the soul in your heart, you are never apart from the one you love no matter how far away you seem to be. Even when I am gone from your sight, I am never gone from your heart. We live in the heart of one another for eternity, beyond the reaches of this world. The love runs deep. That's why it hurts so much for so long when we have to say “goodbye”. That’s also why you will get through this. Our love runs so deep that nothing can touch it, no, not even death. Our love will win. It always does when it is true.

I tried to comfort her. I spoke in a voice she could not hear. her grief and sadness drowned me out. I wanted to tell her what I have always known. That life is but a dream leading to love. Love, more powerful than her fear could ever be. Love cannot be destroyed. It grows and grows until it is stronger than death. 

Reflections on Life with MyMaster, Chapter 72

Soulmates change all the rules in the game of life. We have been brought together, you and me, by a common destiny. We have known each other before and we will know each other again. I will continue to transform you from beyond the grave and help you to see that love is more valuable and powerful than anything else.

There will be others who will not understand this kind of love. They will raise their eyebrows as they stand in judgment of you and comment how silly it is that you loved me this much. Don’t worry about them. I feel sorry for them. They obviously have never encountered a soulmate of their own or they would know better. They would know that traditional rules do not apply when a match is made in Heaven. Once you know this kind of love you will never question love again. You’ll know it when you see it. You’ll know it when you feel it. You will never be confused by something that is something else.

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY BECAUSE 

OUR LOVE WILL SEE US THROUGH.

LOVE NEVER DIES.  

Keep Going! Click HERE to preview the first 5 chapters and/or order the book, 

available on Kindle and in Paperback! 

The Rainbow Bridge Poem

It is the most popular request I receive on Jack's Page and Blog. 
To publish the original poem that comforts the soul.... This is one of the greatest poems about the afterlife of pets, yet no one knows who the author was who wrote it so long ago. 

Thank you to the one who wrote it, who continues to inspire so many of us to this day. Love never dies. The power of the words of this unknown author will never die either. 

 "Love is all there is and love never dies. Love is energy and energy does not die; it cannot die. Einstein would tell you that it is a proven scientific fact. If it’s energy, it must live, although sometimes it changes form. Love does not sleep. I am not dead. I am awake."  Reflections on Life with my Master, Chapter 67

Is Your House a House or Is Your House a Home?

 And what do you need to do to make it what you want it to be?  

Dear Jack,
My little girl died unexpectedly. We still don't know what happened. We came home to find her lifeless body, still warm. We had a funeral for her and decided to cremate her.  It's been very hard and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and feel that heaviness in my heart... It's been three months and it just doesn't get easier. I still miss her terribly. I look at her photos and think why? My baby. 
Samantha


Dear Samantha, 
It's always hard not to know what happened. It makes you feel really bad when they have passed alone, even though there was no way you could have known. Truly, however, we are never alone. We are surrounded by love as we prepare for the journey. Please don't keep focusing on her final hours. She wants you to remember the good times, there were so many! When you dwell on her death it keeps you stuck and you cannot heal. If you dwell on something, dwell on the life! Dwell on the love. LOVE is what heals you. She is full of love for you still and she is doing very well over the Rainbow Bridge. Prayers for your healing. 

Don't forget: Try to focus on the Love not the loss. If you focus on the love and read our books and join our group it will get easier, I promise. Love. It's where the power is for both of you. It's what keeps you connected to each other from lifetime to lifetime.  

Love, 
Jack