Dog Mats: The Smallest Things Can Become the Biggest

Today I am picking the mats out of Immy and Joey - each one a mess of tangled hair within the soft silken strands. My fingers press and pull and eventually somewhere within each knotted tangled mess is a shred of grass, a weed or a tiny piece of debris.  

There is a reason for everything and sometimes when something in your life brings chaos, discomfort, confusion... when all around you everything else seems to be okay on the surface, look closer at yourself for there you will find a shard of something deep inside the fiber of your life that is the root cause. Something that may have been a tiny little thing years ago grew bigger and bigger because it wasn't addressed at an earlier time.  Sometimes you find it and you go to pull it out and find is much larger than you thought - as you pull and pull and pull it out inch by inch by inch.  The longer that mat has been in there, the harder it will be to separate it from the fur.  

You may need to cut it out along with all the undamaged beautiful hair all around it when, if you'd only taken care of it when you first noticed it, it would have been a much easier process. 

You can see at this point in this post where this is leading. We have many things in our lives that wreak havoc in our beings:  early insults or injuries that we parked someplace in our body, deep within our being, thinking that if we hide them away far enough in a dark enough place that they will never be found - never be felt. But they live deeply within us beneath the layers and layers of our years and our growth. 

We must revisit them, extract them and let them go so that we can grow healthy and more beautiful without them. As long as they are lodged in our being, they are vulnerabilities.  Once we address them and let them go -- comb out the beauty of our soul, of our being - they are lessons learned.  Don't be afraid to dig in deep to find the messiness. Clear it out and let it go. You will feel stronger and be more beautiful as you face the days ahead. 

Dear Jack: Many of My Friends Just Don't Seem to Care

This is one of the many things your pets come to teach. Many of you have found out who your truest friends are as you work through your grief. Who can you turn to? Are you surprised who is there? Are you surprised who is not? One of the things we teach you in our departure is to open your eyes to see Who Is Really There for you. Who loves and supports you through it all? This is a true friend. Meanwhile, we still love you from the other side with a love that never dies.

Love, Jack 🐾

www.katemcgahan.com/jacksbooks

In So Many Ways There is Life After Death...

 Note from Kate: 

I didn't want another dog after Jack. But I had Joey who became quite the handful (!) after Jack passed. There was a time in my early grief I thought of giving up Joey. I was in so much pain! When I realized it was the complications of grief that made me want to give up Joey I got myself on a new path. It was worth the ride. Keep your heart and mind open and try not to make irreversible decisions when you are going through the stages of grief. Once you ultimately accept your loss, you can make better decisions for yourself and for the ones you love.

Love, Kate

This is Immy.

It was about 6 months after I had passed. Kate didn't really want another dog, for she already had little Joey. The fact of the matter was that the Universe planned on her getting another dog and It made sure she knew it. After I passed, Joey exhibited terrific separation anxiety. He destroyed the house, chewed electrical wires and pens and highlighters, and his screams from being left alone could be heard from one end of town to the other. Kate had no choice. She began the search (you can read the synchronistic story in Book 3, "Return from Rainbow Bridge") which led her to Immy.

The relationship was far from perfect. She had had a very well-adjusted dog (Yours Truly ) and ended up with a dog with many insecurities. But on Day 1, snuggled in next to Immy, Joey was happy and content when Kate went off to work. Mission accomplished!

It would be a very long time before Immy could handle social situations but in the process, Immy grew and Kate grew and Joey was happy and everything turned out okay. Just the way it was Meant To Be.

Loving again can be messy. You can never replace a Beloved friend. But know that that Friend is working behind the scenes to give you what you need to grow and to become a more loving human being.

Is all about the Love. Good girl Immy!

“I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” –The Alchemist

Jack McAfghan: Return from Rainbow Bridge

https://amzn.to/3P2cBjX

Be a Hero of Love Instead of a Victim of Loss

   

   How? How do I stay with something when I want to leave? How? 

How do I let go of something when I don't want it to go?

Two words: Love & Commitment. Those of you who are making progress know this -- and there are so many of you, I'm so proud of you. It takes love. That's all. LOVE heals the grief. It takes making love stronger than your grief. Being a hero of love instead of a victim of loss.

Make the commitment to feel better again -- for your sake and theirs. It just takes starting at page one in "Reflections." For so long as you cry and weep and grieve, your best friend will mournfully be waiting to see you smile again. When they walked this earth with you they did not like to see you unhappy, did they? They still walk the earth with you, beyond the thin veil that separates, and they still look at you with mournfulness, waiting to see you happy again. Once you start smiling and living life again, they can truly be free.

If you've read our books, you'll learn how to get from here to there. If you haven't read our books, they wait patiently for you to begin your journey out of grief -- and back into love.

The Jack McAfghan Pet Loss Series

A Dog's Memoirs on Life and the Afterlife

Available on Amazon https://amzn.to/3BVjoFO

Life is the School, Love is the Lesson, Grief is Our Teacher

 

Only those who avoid love can avoid the pain of grief. Grief has a Grand Plan. Grief teaches you to quiet yourself and learn to tune into the unseen world around you. Getting through grief will strengthen your faith in that which you cannot see. 

When we struggle we can die. When we resist we can get hurt. Surrender to the grief. You are not required to feel anything. Just FEEL whatever feelings come.  Don't be afraid of them. They will not hurt you any more than struggle and resistance.  

Only those who avoid love can avoid the pain of grief. Don't let yourself be one of them. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile --- and it's only a ride, this life. The Real Life is Yet To Come. 

Keep the faith. Keep going. Keep growing. It will all be worth it in the end --- in the beginning. 

National Holocaust Remembrance Day

 We need to be reminded that we really have nothing to complain about...

FRANKLY SPEAKING

The strength of human will Is stronger than anything that can happen to it.

This phenomenon of nature holds true. 

As the strongest winds blow

So the seedling is strengthened.

When I think of the wisdom and the resiliency Of Viktor Frankl at Auschwitz,

I am much better able to tolerate

The foul-smelling woman

Who sits beside me

On the way to Penn Station.

From One Heart's Journey: Lyrics of an Imperfect Life 

A New Year

                                                                  

It’s New Year’s Eve… 

I’m waiting your arrival

To ring in the new year. 

 

We dated years ago and

Despite our differences

I loved you so.

 

Parting as the best of friends

We still get together

On Saturday nights

And Sunday afternoons

And New Year’s Eves 

When there’s no one involved 

With you and me. 

 

Sometimes I think, maybe?

Maybe we could love again?

Maybe it would work this time?

 

It’s New Year’s Eve

The call comes in:

You won’t be coming after all. 

 

It’s New Year’s Eve.

I understand. 

Nothing’s New.

From "One Heart's Journey: Lyrics of an Imperfect Life"

Available on Amazon.com

We Hear You Wherever You Are, Wherever We Are

 

Book 5, "Letters from Rainbow Bridge"

The Jack McAfghan Pet Loss Series

A Dog's Memoirs on Life and the Afterlife

Available on Amazon https://amzn.to/37XQMOM

Surviving Anniversaries and Holidays

ANNIVERSARIES & HOLIDAYS

Excerpt from "Only Gone From Your Sight: A Personal Approach to Human Grief & Loss"

Every grieving mother knows how old her child would be today. You probably know how old I would be now and how long I’ve been gone. The heart remembers everything. You are connected to me by the love that we share, a love that tugs at your heartstrings at special times. You might find yourself thinking about me continuously one day. You just can’t get me out of your mind! Maybe you even have a dream of me or receive an extraordinary sign. You look at the calendar and realize that it is the anniversary of my passing or my birthday. The heart remembers everything. 

 

“One day without him...” 

“He was still here this time last week.” 

“I’ve made it through the first two weeks.” 

“I can’t believe she’s been gone a month.” 

“It’s been 2 months, 2 days, 7 hours, 35 minutes.” 

“3 months have passed now.” 

“4 months.” 

“5 months...152 days” 

“I’m coming up on 6 months.” 

“It’s my first holiday alone.” 

“This would have been her birthday.” 

 

We’ve been through one round of all the anniversaries of the heart. 365 days of “first times.” Oh, but it’s still complicated isn’t it? Leaving the first year behind, it’s like we lose that too.

The anniversaries will keep coming. There will be days when you just aren’t feeling so strong. Maybe you go a park or a restaurant where we used to go and even though you might have a new friend with you, you are filled with tears and memories of our days together. It’s okay. Let them come. Those were the days my friend... 

 

Creating new traditions is a very good way to move forward, to honor me and to honor the special days of the year. Sometimes you need to create new traditions for yourself when you are faced with loss---or if you are struggling with family issues and disappointments. 

 

Anniversaries and holidays can be difficult at best when your life feels empty or incomplete. One of the things you can do for yourself during these times is to celebrate the life we shared. Do not mourn my loss. Celebrate my life. Create a lovely altar, light a candle. Say your prayers. Invite me to visit you. Talk to me. Tell me about your hopes and dreams. Reflect on the good times. Tell me you love me over and over again. Soak in the happy times of being blessed by someone in your life who loved you and who loves you still. Someone who taught you the meaning of love, not fear. Celebrate our love. Know that love never dies. 

 

When you are visiting people over the holidays who might not understand what you are going through, take something tangible and subtle with you; something that you can wear or hold in your hand when you are you are longing to be with me instead of them. It's okay to talk about it if it feels like the right thing to do for you. It’s okay to not want to talk about too. Just tell them that. It can also be quite handy to excuse yourself so you can go to bed early. That's okay to a point too. You have a very good reason and you are learning at last to take care of yourself. Balance the holiday and try to stay balanced within yourself as you move forward to the next anniversary without me. 

 

Balance is the key to all healing. Time and support will take care of the rest. 

When you are surrounded by joy and celebration it can actually make you feel worse when you feel worse. If you want to avoid parties and celebrations altogether you can volunteer at a soup kitchen or some other charity event. It often helps one to feel better when they help people less fortunate. You can also opt to stay home, but I will be hoping that one day you will be willing to share the holiday with someone you love and trust. Someone who lets you be you. Go easy on yourself. 

 

"The first of every month would loom ominously. She braced herself every time a new month approached. The August 1 anniversary was tough. Then a funny thing happened. December 1 arrived; sixteen months. The day came and went. On December 2 she realized she had not noticed. She felt guilty at first until she realized it was a sign of her healing. My life was the important thing and our relationship, now on new terms, was all that mattered. She forgot February 1 too! And March! She didn’t remember until after a whole week had passed! Who knew what would happen on April Fool’s Day? Well! She fooled me and remembered! This is how it will happen for you too, in your own time and in your own way."
Return from Rainbow Bridge, Chapter 62  🐾

Get a copy of "Only Gone From Your Sight: A Personal Approach to Human Grief & Loss" on Amazon   Click HERE! 

How Do I Know When to Get Another Pet?

 How do you know when a new pet is right for you? Have you found one and are now agonizing over the decision? Agonizing over it probably means the time isn't right, or the pet isn't the right one. 

Remember that everything feels right when a new pet is right for you. You will be put in the right place at the right time. The process is smooth and easy. Sometimes the pet will come to you without your having to do anything.  You usually feel it in your heart when its right. The price is always right because you want that pet and you will pay the price. 

Read Chapter 4 in my book. Kate went through the same dilemma. There is nothing worse than regretting this kind of decision. Of course you will have the normal What If's and perhaps some fear of commitment but there will be an underlying confidence that this is the pet for you. 

Try not to be too stressed about it. There are many many pets available out there and there will always be another opportunity. The timing will always be right. Let your heart and soul lead you to the one that's meant for you. Let your heart lead the way...not your head... or what someone else thinks.

Thank you for wanting to love again. We love you the way we do so that you will miss the love when we are gone (from your sight) and so that you will seek it again. After all, love is what makes everything else worthwhile. 

Jack McAfghan: Reflections on Life with my Master can be found on Amazon Worldwide.

Life Is A Highway

"...Our Master can see it all. If you drive down a long curvy road, you don't see the twists and turns until you are on top of them. But when you see things from a higher perspective you can see the whole road and the twists and the turns and the beginning and the end. In Heaven we can see where you are in relation to where you're going and we can make things happen at the intersections of life. We can create the right time and the right place and we can already see how it all ends. We can see the whole story of your life while you live it in little bits and pieces..."  

"Jack McAfghan: Return from Rainbow Bridge"

https://amzn.to/3cPKCAl

Book 8 Ready for Pre-Order!

CLICK HERE TO VIEW ON AMAZON 

I've been busy preparing my next book for publication and I'm happy to report that it's almost done! Scheduled for release June 21! 

My book is based on a true story that happened twenty years ago. I resurrected memories, poetry and journals to give me the backbone for a screenplay that has now become a novel. Seven lives intersect on the US/Mexico border, each impacting another's destiny. Walls are not always made of brick and mortar. Read the love stories and watch the walls of injustice, judgment and insecurity come tumbling down through the strength of the power of love.  

Available for Pre-Order for just 99 cents!  Click the link here to take you to Amazon Kindle (you don't need a Kindle to read the book, you just need the Kindle app on your tablet, phone or computer). You will automatically receive the book as soon as it is released! 

I truly look forward to your reviews and feedback once you've had a chance to read it. Reviews mean everything to me so please consider leaving one on Amazon if you enjoyed the book.   

Then! It's another Jack McAfghan book!  

Stay Tuned, Stay Safe and Thank You for following me!

Love,

Kate

The Walls Between Us - A Borderland Romance Coming Soon!

"Every seven years Francisco would burn his fields instead of reaping them. "Ash is full of nitrogen which makes the soil rich. It is worth losing the annual crop to allow the next six years to flourish," he would say. "We cannot keep taking from Mother Earth and not replenish her. There will be no minerals left if we keep using her without giving something back to her. It's like a husband who takes and takes from his wife, she will not stay very long!"

Chapter 1, The Walls Between Us Coming June 2020

Click HERE to view the description on Amazon! 

A Walk In The Rain Turns into an Unexpected Date with Love

It's the anniversary of my crossing. Late this afternoon she went out in the pouring rain. She didn't really know why she went out there, but I think she heard my heart calling her heart. She doesn't always listen she's so busy hearing with her ears and thinking with her head. Humans have to pay attention to that feeling in their gut, in their heart, or they miss a lot. 

She went right to the place where we would sit after a long hike and overlook the wash below. If you've read our book, it's the same place where I sent her the lightning bolt and the hummingbird moth so long ago.  Today as she sat there she was talking with me, tears rolling, but not crying. I covered her with my "signature" goosebumps -- It's as close I can get to hugging her full body from behind. It is always the same. I always send her the same feeling. That's how she know's it's me. She was chilled by the rain, but her back was warm with my love. "I can feel you Jack. I know you're here with me." 

As she spoke to me, she thanked me for all I have done for her and for helping everyone who reads my story. It pleases us so much -- all of us at Rainbow Bridge-- to be able to help so many people work through their grief. Her words made me so happy that I sent a most beautiful amber light that lit up our wash like it was a flood light on a stage set. It was lightning, yes, but it lingered longer than a mere bolt. Like so many miracles from Rainbow Bridge, it can't really be described. As soon as the light came, the thunder rolled from one side of the wash to the other. It rolled long and deep. Then it rolled high above her as it traveled up over the nearby mesa. 

I know she knows the truth. I was the thunder. I was the lightning too. I knew she knew it was me because when she said, "Thank you. Thank you Jack," she was crying because she knew in her heart that it all was my response to her.  

...And the brave mourning dove who usually becomes uneasy with such things and flies away, she remained in the nearby tree and stayed for the whole show. 

So many things can happen when you pay attention... and when you rise to the call.

Save The Trees

A tree drops its seed 

Which creates new life. 

Roots, a trunk and limbs of its own 

Then outstretched leaves 

Which fall in the fall, 

Decay and feed 

The roots and all 

Until one day 

It drops its seed 

And nature starts again. 

Man plants a seed 

On a lawn of grass 

To grow a tree 

For shade, for swing; 

To hide a view. 

It grows and grows 

And drops its leaves 

And man complains 

As he rakes them, bags them; 

Pays to have them hauled away 

In plastic on the curb. 

He waters, rakes, prunes and feeds 

(With chemicals of course) 

Then wonders in the later years 

Why the 'damned tree' 

Begins to die 

After all he's done. 

© 2016 Kate McGahan

"I'll Never Accept This Loss" - ACCEPTANCE - Stage 5

Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. 

This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually, we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. 

In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We must learn to reorganize roles and priorities, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. 

As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. 

We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time. Be patient with yourself and those around you. Time and support will help you to heal the wounds of grief. 

Consider reading the Jack McAfghan Trilogy if you cannot find the support you need in the corners of your life. Visit www.katemcgahan.com and sign up for your free book, "It's Not Putting Me Down, It's Lifting Me Up."  Follow Jack on Facebook. Jack is always there to guide, support and love you through the journey. Our story is your story too. Jack's voice is the voice of your beloved. 

Prayers for your journey. 

Do You Love Me Enough to do This?

Letting Go - Balloons

When we are faced with a difficult life challenge there is usually a lesson in it. Most of our life lessons are about Love 

and about Letting Go. 

Letting Go doesn't mean you don't love them anymore. Letting Go doesn't mean you won't miss them anymore. You can never cut the ties that bind two souls together who truly love each other. What you DO need to cut is the Leash of Grief and Guilt that binds them to you and prevents them from doing what is best for them.

As They say, set something free and if it was yours to begin with, it will come back. It's natural law, in Heaven and on Earth and in all the spaces in between life and death and life. Your loved ones cannot come back from a place they have not yet arrived. 

If you are looking for Signs and not finding them, take a look at what you are doing. If your best friend is still on the leash of your grief, your best friend is not yet free to be everything he or she can be. 

Letting Go is the most important thing you can do for both of you. It is the ultimate act of faith... and you will be rewarded for it. 

Breathe. Then Let Go. It's time.

You say you love. Do you love them enough to let them go? 

Do you trust them enough to have the faith that they will never leave?  Do you trust yourself enough to have the faith that if they leave, you will still be okay? 

"'Do not cling to me,' said Jesus, 'for I have not yet ascended to the Father.'"

John 20:17

(Jesus to Mary Magdalene) 

Waiting Waiting Waiting

This  image makes me think of my father. He and my Mom split when I was a year old. Throughout my youth I would find myself waiting for the days he would gather me up for scheduled weekend visits. Sometimes he was a No Show but most of the time visits with him were good. He is the sentimental Irish part of me so between that and being a child of divorce, I suppose those are things that contribute to my deep pervasive feeling of longing. Just like the child in the picture waiting -- waiting for love, longing for a better life, waiting for the windfall of treasures, waiting for people to turn on the love in their hearts. Waiting for my books to sell. Waiting for life to give me a break; oh I've made so many mistakes! Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

"What are you waiting for?" they will ask. "You've been waiting for what (?) since you were a child? Then just change the way you look at things! Let go of the old and bring in the new! If you aren't happy it's your fault. Let it GO." hmmmmmmmm......

Has anyone ever told you these things so that you would be different than the you that you are? Who says we are supposed to be giddy and raucously happy? Why can't we just be ourselves. Things in our lives happen for a reason. We cannot be cookie-cuttered.

Do you find yourself longing for a life different than the one you are living? I have had many disappointments but also have had an element of success in my life. I have many friends and a supportive family. My cup is half full and I am the eternal optimist ...but somewhere in my deepest being there is a pervasive bittersweet longing. Longing for a certain kind of love or creative outlet -- or for a publisher or landfall of money or more hours in a day. Maybe a nicer house, a newer car. I think maybe when I find the right pair of jeans that fit me perfectly it will be the key to my happiness. When all is said and done, I am overall content but never joyously or exhiliratingly happy. We are in control of our thoughts and feelings to an extent but sometimes upbringing and DNA have a lot to do with why we are the way we are. There is really only so much we can control. The rest we must come to accept.

When we are children growing up, life circumstances can thread themselves right into our cells and to a certain extent we grow and develop into our own unique personal tapestries based on those threads. We become what we have experienced. We all have our stories and there is always a reason why we are the way we are. The best thing we can do is accept and embrace our unique selves and wait on the will of Heaven.

Something wonderful is coming. There is a reason for all of this. Keep the faith.