Life is the School, Love is the Lesson, Grief is Our Teacher

 

Only those who avoid love can avoid the pain of grief. Grief has a Grand Plan. Grief teaches you to quiet yourself and learn to tune into the unseen world around you. Getting through grief will strengthen your faith in that which you cannot see. 

When we struggle we can die. When we resist we can get hurt. Surrender to the grief. You are not required to feel anything. Just FEEL whatever feelings come.  Don't be afraid of them. They will not hurt you any more than struggle and resistance.  

Only those who avoid love can avoid the pain of grief. Don't let yourself be one of them. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile --- and it's only a ride, this life. The Real Life is Yet To Come. 

Keep the faith. Keep going. Keep growing. It will all be worth it in the end --- in the beginning. 

Surviving Anniversaries and Holidays

ANNIVERSARIES & HOLIDAYS

Excerpt from "Only Gone From Your Sight: A Personal Approach to Human Grief & Loss"

Every grieving mother knows how old her child would be today. You probably know how old I would be now and how long I’ve been gone. The heart remembers everything. You are connected to me by the love that we share, a love that tugs at your heartstrings at special times. You might find yourself thinking about me continuously one day. You just can’t get me out of your mind! Maybe you even have a dream of me or receive an extraordinary sign. You look at the calendar and realize that it is the anniversary of my passing or my birthday. The heart remembers everything. 

 

“One day without him...” 

“He was still here this time last week.” 

“I’ve made it through the first two weeks.” 

“I can’t believe she’s been gone a month.” 

“It’s been 2 months, 2 days, 7 hours, 35 minutes.” 

“3 months have passed now.” 

“4 months.” 

“5 months...152 days” 

“I’m coming up on 6 months.” 

“It’s my first holiday alone.” 

“This would have been her birthday.” 

 

We’ve been through one round of all the anniversaries of the heart. 365 days of “first times.” Oh, but it’s still complicated isn’t it? Leaving the first year behind, it’s like we lose that too.

The anniversaries will keep coming. There will be days when you just aren’t feeling so strong. Maybe you go a park or a restaurant where we used to go and even though you might have a new friend with you, you are filled with tears and memories of our days together. It’s okay. Let them come. Those were the days my friend... 

 

Creating new traditions is a very good way to move forward, to honor me and to honor the special days of the year. Sometimes you need to create new traditions for yourself when you are faced with loss---or if you are struggling with family issues and disappointments. 

 

Anniversaries and holidays can be difficult at best when your life feels empty or incomplete. One of the things you can do for yourself during these times is to celebrate the life we shared. Do not mourn my loss. Celebrate my life. Create a lovely altar, light a candle. Say your prayers. Invite me to visit you. Talk to me. Tell me about your hopes and dreams. Reflect on the good times. Tell me you love me over and over again. Soak in the happy times of being blessed by someone in your life who loved you and who loves you still. Someone who taught you the meaning of love, not fear. Celebrate our love. Know that love never dies. 

 

When you are visiting people over the holidays who might not understand what you are going through, take something tangible and subtle with you; something that you can wear or hold in your hand when you are you are longing to be with me instead of them. It's okay to talk about it if it feels like the right thing to do for you. It’s okay to not want to talk about too. Just tell them that. It can also be quite handy to excuse yourself so you can go to bed early. That's okay to a point too. You have a very good reason and you are learning at last to take care of yourself. Balance the holiday and try to stay balanced within yourself as you move forward to the next anniversary without me. 

 

Balance is the key to all healing. Time and support will take care of the rest. 

When you are surrounded by joy and celebration it can actually make you feel worse when you feel worse. If you want to avoid parties and celebrations altogether you can volunteer at a soup kitchen or some other charity event. It often helps one to feel better when they help people less fortunate. You can also opt to stay home, but I will be hoping that one day you will be willing to share the holiday with someone you love and trust. Someone who lets you be you. Go easy on yourself. 

 

"The first of every month would loom ominously. She braced herself every time a new month approached. The August 1 anniversary was tough. Then a funny thing happened. December 1 arrived; sixteen months. The day came and went. On December 2 she realized she had not noticed. She felt guilty at first until she realized it was a sign of her healing. My life was the important thing and our relationship, now on new terms, was all that mattered. She forgot February 1 too! And March! She didn’t remember until after a whole week had passed! Who knew what would happen on April Fool’s Day? Well! She fooled me and remembered! This is how it will happen for you too, in your own time and in your own way."
Return from Rainbow Bridge, Chapter 62  🐾

Get a copy of "Only Gone From Your Sight: A Personal Approach to Human Grief & Loss" on Amazon   Click HERE! 

"I'll Never Accept This Loss" - ACCEPTANCE - Stage 5

Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. 

This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually, we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. 

In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We must learn to reorganize roles and priorities, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. 

As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. 

We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time. Be patient with yourself and those around you. Time and support will help you to heal the wounds of grief. 

Consider reading the Jack McAfghan Trilogy if you cannot find the support you need in the corners of your life. Visit www.katemcgahan.com and sign up for your free book, "It's Not Putting Me Down, It's Lifting Me Up."  Follow Jack on Facebook. Jack is always there to guide, support and love you through the journey. Our story is your story too. Jack's voice is the voice of your beloved. 

Prayers for your journey. 

One Death after Another. My Dog Then My Father.

In Honor of Father's Day

(Excerpt from Book 3: Jack McAfghan's Return From Rainbow Bridge")

Upon my arrival at Rainbow Bridge Crossing.... 

CHAPTER 14

Never Alone

As I was happily reuniting with Grady and some other friends, I heard someone calling my name. It was a commanding voice. “Jack!” I raced back to the Bridge. I was so excited! I thought maybe they were calling to tell me that Kate was coming!

But no, I was being summoned. They were recruiting me to go back to escort Kate’s father across the Bridge. No one crosses alone without someone they know and love beside them. I was the chosen one.

When I crossed the Rainbow Bridge with Thalia in the wee hours of that morning, I would not have expected Kate’s father to be crossing over the following afternoon. It was complex, for while she wept bitter tears for me, she also cried guilty tears for the fact that, while she loved her father a great deal, she simply had loved me more. Dealing with yet another loss interrupted her grieving process with me. The anger stage she was supposed to go through with me she applied to her father instead. Once she was done dealing with her grief over losing him, she would have to come back and finish the grieving she started with me.

I was told why I had to leave the day before he did. It was because they needed to teach me what I needed to know to be ready to best assist him. Lizard was my role model. He had shown me what to do and I had been well prepared.

When I arrived back on the other side of the Bridge to collect him, it was very hard not to think about going to her instead but I promised them I would stay true to my mission. It was the hardest thing I ever did, to be that close to her and to walk away again. My Rainbow friends had promised me that they would soon teach me how to be with her despite the veil between us, so I focused on that and it gave me hope.

It’s interesting that they chose me to be the one to escort him, but I guess it’s because he had one more lesson to learn before he got to Heaven. When Chuck walked the earth, he was one of those people who didn’t quite understand that I was a thinking feeling being just like him. He thought of me as Just A Dog, but then he would glare at me if I acted like one; if I barked or got too rambunctious or got my nose too close to his food. I was so surprised by his reaction when I came back to get him that day. Boy, was he happy to see me! It’s interesting how you learn how much someone loves you when they thought they were all alone and then you show up for them.

I was there with him because the moment we leave this world our Master makes sure that we are not alone. Not ever. I thought it was quite amusing how Chuck kept walking with a limp all the way across the Bridge, as if his knee still hurt him.

You don’t have to limp anymore. You don’t have a reason to limp anymore.

“I know,” he replied, but his head hadn’t yet caught up with the miracle that was happening. Sometimes the head takes awhile catching up with what the heart already knows. He was still stuck in the belief that he was who he was on earth, with his limitations in body and mind. His body was free and yet still he limped all the way across the Bridge, at which point he would be sent to the Rainbow Healing Center to correct his thinking so that he could be free.

I knew she would be okay because when you keep yourself very busy with tasks, you don’t have much time to grieve and feel sorry for yourself. She was getting ready to go into the city to close out her father’s apartment. We would all be very busy in the days ahead. She had cured me of my fear of bridges but nothing had been able to ease my apprehension over the unpredictable slam of the teeter-totter. After we returned to the other side of Rainbow Bridge, I went into the Healing Center too, to resolve that issue. We cannot take any fear into Heaven with us because love does not coexist with fear and Heaven is all love. The only way to be free is to rid ourselves of the fears.

Let Jack Heal Your Heart. Available on Amazon Worldwide in Paperback, on Kindle, Kindle Unlimited and through your favorite bookseller. 

Just like your angels, you are never alone. You can take Jack wherever you go and he will keep you connected to your loved ones, who are with you wherever you go. 

Sharing 35 Years of Hospice and Spiritual Work and Study

I'm thinking of those who grieve as the first day of Spring arrives. Some of you still have snow and are living in the seemingly relentless cold shadows of winter. Some of you have floods. Some of you are still grieving the loss of a loved one.  Spring should be a time of renewal but for those who struggle, it can have the opposite effect. Winter can seem relentless. While the rest of the world celebrates the sunshine on the crocus and the daffodil, those who grieve often remain in the shadows.  

My latest book, an adapted version of my pet loss book by the same title, is designed to guide you through the grief related to a human loved one. Whether you are missing a partner, spouse, child, parent, other family member or friend, this book will give you what took me 35 years working with hospice and end-of-life to learn. It is a spiritual book that speaks to you from your loved one on the Other Side. It might just be the one thing that can bring the thaw to the winter of grief within your heart.   

The Kindle version is currently On Sale for just 99 cents until this weekend.  If you are nervous about reading an EBook, I want to reassure you that if you can read this email on your device, you can read my EBooks on your device too. It's really easy! You'll see!  

 Have you read any of my other books?  Did you enjoy them? If so, please consider rating them on Amazon to let others know they are worth the read. Reviews mean everything to me. I am not allowed to give anything in exchange for a great review, but if I could I would give you the world. Prayers going out to all who struggle. It sounds cliche but this too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever but Love. 

Find Book 6 HERE.  Start healing your heart in a matter of minutes.  

The Natural Cycle of Life and Death -- and Life

IF YOU WERE A FLOWER: THE NATURAL CYCLE OF LIFE

An excerpt from our latest book, 

Only Gone From Your Sight: A Personal Approach to Human Grief & Loss

"Even the tiniest perennial grows only to die. It comes back again and again when the season and the time is right. Even annual flowers grow seeds as they grow so that they can drop the seeds of themselves and live again year after year, life after life." 

The Lizard from Rainbow Bridge, Chapter 11

Nature continually reminds us of the natural cycles of life. If you were a flower, when the harshness of winter comes you would pull yourself deep inside to protect yourself from freezing, to prevent yourself from dying. You toughen up the outside, close yourself up and go deep within where you are always safe.

Then after quite a long while there comes a bit of warmth and a welcoming day brings with it the thaw. Spring comes and something inside of you stirs. You realize you’ve survived another winter. The ice melts away and you can feel the outside of yourself again. As the warmth so long gone from your life surrounds you, you decide maybe it’s worth blooming again for another season. Hope returns to your heart as you prepare for new life.

You begin to open again as the sun fuels your soul. Your energy returns. An infusion of life force comes to you, giving you more power than you have known since you went into hibernation. This power is the force that pushes you to develop your stems, to press through the soil, to stretch forth and reach towards the light again.

Sometimes Spring can make you an April fool, bringing a bluff! What you planned on, the rain that waters your roots so that you can grow again, turns unexpectedly to ice then snow and it finds you unsuspecting. You are vulnerable and alone, exposed and unprotected. Your tender life is threatened. In some seasons the storm will pass quickly and you will survive; other seasons you can be hurt so deeply that you must withdraw and retreat deep into your roots where you will take the remaining seasons off to rebuild yourself and prepare for the distant day when Spring returns and gives you another chance to thrive.

Despite everything in this year you have survived and in the next season you will grow hardy and beautiful, thriving for the harshness that once threatened you. The early blooms that sprouted, only to be frozen, pinched back by Nature Herself, are destined to return brighter and stronger than ever.

This is the YOU that has grown from the cold harsh winter of your loss. You are the flower that is destined to bloom again. You are the root. You are the bloom. You are the spirit; you are the soul that lives inside every living thing. With each passing season you become stronger and wiser. You go deeper and deeper within where your power can be found. Your roots reach further and further into the quiet nourishing protective earthy space that surrounds you. Look how far you’ve come from being the fragile shoot that first made itself known in the landscape of life!

Your colorful blooms will burst forth stretching now to the sky and you’ll show no fear because you know that no matter what happens you will adjust to the climate that surrounds you and you will be okay. It’s what you’ve learned.

And so it goes.

Only Gone From Your Sight: For Humans. Coming December 2018.

Written in the style of "Only Gone From Your Sight: Jack McAfghan's Little Guide to Pet Loss & Grief," Book 6 shares material that applies to human beings but includes additional material related to planning, options for end of life care and encouragement and support to help humans with their loss of their human loved ones.   

COMING TO AMAZON in DECEMBER.

PREORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!  

ONLY GONE FROM SIGHT: JACK McAFGHAN'S LITTLE GUIDE TO PET LOSS AND GRIEF - Now Available in Paperback!

THIS BOOK WILL ANSWER EVERY QUESTION YOU HAVE ABOUT END-OF-LIFE

DECISION-MAKING AND HOW TO SURVIVE PET LOSS.

Our favorite four-legged grief counselor, Jack McAfghan, guides you gently and honestly through all aspects of pet loss and grief. Jack will prepare you, teach you to make peace with the decisions you may ultimately have to make and help you to understand that the end of this life is not the end of life at all. Learn the secret language that will help you communicate with your pets no matter what side of the Rainbow Bridge they are on. This little book will help you know how to make the right decisions, how to stay strong in your time of loss and how to move forward by using the power of your love instead of the limits of your mind. 

TABLE of CONTENTS 

~Facing the Inevitable

~Anticipatory Grief

~Not Just a Pet

~No Life Without Loss

~Death: Feared & Misunderstood

~End of Life Decisions

~Preparing for the Passage

~"THE APPOINTMENT"/ Euthanasia

~Aftershocks

~The Process of Grief

~Ashes and Memorials

~Waking from the Dream

~Shock/Denial

~Fears and Tears

~Anger

~Complicated Grief

~Bargaining

~Who to Blame

~Suicide

~Depression

~There is no Death

~You Can Heal What You Feel

~Acceptance

~Growing Pains

~Anniversaries

~The Language of the Heart

~The Gift of Grief

~Dreams: Meeting Places of the Soul

~Signs from the Afterlife

~How to Tell the Children

~Life Beyond Grief

~Only Human

~Grief Support

Your best friend waits to speak to you on every page in this book. Give the gift of understanding. Help the pet lover in your life to face transitions courageously, rid themselves of guilt and blame, know how much they are loved and strengthen their faith that life never ends and that love never dies.

CLICK HERE FOR A FREE PREVIEW! 

Dear Jack,
My little girl died unexpectedly. We still don't know what happened. We came home to find her lifeless body, still warm. We had a funeral for her and decided to cremate her.  It's been very hard and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and feel that heaviness in my heart... It's been three months and it just doesn't get easier. I still miss her terribly. I look at her photos and think why? My baby. 
Samantha


Dear Samantha, 
It's always hard not to know what happened. It makes you feel really bad when they have passed alone, even though there was no way you could have known. Truly, however, we are never alone. We are surrounded by love as we prepare for the journey. Please don't keep focusing on her final hours. She wants you to remember the good times, there were so many! When you dwell on her death it keeps you stuck and you cannot heal. If you dwell on something, dwell on the life! Dwell on the love. LOVE is what heals you. She is full of love for you still and she is doing very well over the Rainbow Bridge. Prayers for your healing. 

Don't forget: Try to focus on the Love not the loss. If you focus on the love and read our books and join our group it will get easier, I promise. Love. It's where the power is for both of you. It's what keeps you connected to each other from lifetime to lifetime.  

Love, 
Jack 

Review of "Reflections on Life with my Master: A Dog's Memoir on Life After Death"

starsA healing journey through loss and grief.

Jack brings you into his world - a world of wonder and thoughtful consideration infused with unconditional love. Observe the world through Jack's eyes and find yourself transformed and connected in a new way to those you love. You will discover that we all should give careful thought to how we interpret the actions of others, question what is happening, and understand that our Master has things in mind for us that we cannot even dream of yet.

Oh, and bring tissues. You will cry. You will feel the deep, soulful ache at the loss of a great friend. You will weep at the recognition of beautiful, simple truths and the bitter-sweet release of letting go. And, in the end, you will shed joyful tears at love found again and remembered. Discover and cherish the sparkling jewels along the way. And in the end there is love, as it was all along.

Let Jack be your companion on a healing journey through loss and grief. You will not regret it.

~Sandra MacEachern, Verified Amazon Canada Customer

Find Jack's Books and more Reviews by clicking HERE.

Click HERE for a Free Preview!  

Unleash Me Let Me Go. It's Part of Our Healing. Yours & Mine.

Q: Dear Jack. You talk about letting them go. Not binding them to you with the grief. How do you know when you have cut the leash so that they can run free and have fun? 

A: When you are no longer clinging to them.

Q: How do you know when you are no longer clinging to them?

A: You are no longer clinging to them when you no longer have pain over them. When you no longer allow yourself to suffer. When you have peace and you can smile when you think of them. When you have accepted that they are now living in another dimension, but living nonetheless. You can still miss them, you can still have tender tears, but it's the pain and suffering about it that must be severed from your being. The pain and the suffering weave together to create the leash that binds. 

Immy Shows Insight on her 5th Birthday

Today was Immy's Birthday. I actually forgot until I received an email from the vet saying: HAPPY BIRTHDAY IMMY!  Oh my, it was already late in the day and it hadn't even entered my mind.  I fell all over her with good wishes and affection, feeling so badly that I had forgotten her special day!

Such as it is when guilt hits, we tend to want to do whatever it takes to make it up to them. So when we went out for our evening walk a little while later, I told Immy that we could go Wherever She Wanted To Go! It must have made her very happy, for she can be very expressive in letting me know when it does not please her to go in a particular direction. She will stand still, rooted to her place, refusing to make eye contact until one of us wins. The one with the leash in her hand usually wins.

This particular walk, I assumed she would want to travel to the nearby Anza Trail. It is always one of our favorite walking destinations. There was still plenty of light in the sky and we had lots of time to make the trek.

We started at the nearby woodpile and recycle center, which is where she prefers to start most mornings. Then, following her lead, we headed out the back gate to the woodsy easement that leads to the tree-lined street behind our house. To the right, up the hill, to the church where we make our first decision. Which Way?  We cross the street, take the sidewalk that winds beyond the church to the Presidio and onward to the path that leads to the Anza Trail.  She was leading the way. Confidently. She knew exactly where she wanted to take us.

Then, midway down the path en route to the trail, she stopped in her tracks. She refused to move. "C'mon Immy, let's go!"  No response. Staring straight ahead, focusing only on her strong will.

"Okay," I said. "It's your birthday so....whatever you want to do."
Joey and I retraced our steps and we all walked back up the path we had just taken. A little while later we arrived at the edge of town. Ah, I thought, she must want to walk through town and check to see if there are any chicken wings or sandwiches in the various trash cans about the place.

But no, she chose the road that leads back home.
"You wanna go home already?" I asked her. No answer. She just stared straight down the street, paws planted. "OK. It's your birthday. We'll go home if you want to go home."  Down we went, back down the street to our house. But then when we reached our house, she surprised me. She wanted to keep walking down the street. "OK," I said, "It's your birthday."

About halfway down the next block we saw a man walking a dog. It was a man we recognized because we had seen him a dozen or so times walking his dog, Pepper, around town. As we got closer, I didn't think Pepper looked the same. Something was definitely different.
"Hi... Is ...that your dog?"  It definitely wasn't the same dog.
I asked the man, "Did you get a new dog?"
Something was wrong.
"No," he replied as he pulled out a handkerchief, "I'm dog-sitting for a couple of weeks."
"Where's your dog?" I asked, showing concern in my voice.
He wiped his eyes.  "Pepper died."  The man was crying now.  "It's been a month and a half."

So right there we did a little bit of grief work while the three dogs milled around each other. It was obvious the man did not have anyone who understood his heart and soul relationship with his dog of 11 years. He was new in town too. He didn't have a lot of friends. His best friend had been Pepper.
"Maybe you should read a book that I wrote..."
"I would like that," he replied.

Find Jack's Book/s Here at Amazon.com

So we walked to my house and I gave him a copy of "Reflections". 
"I'm a very slow reader," he warned me. He struggles with vision problems.
"It's okay. Jack is very patient. He will only go as fast as you can go. And if it's too difficult, a large print copy is on its way right now. I should have it by Monday," I said, realizing that all of this was By Design that we were here in this place; that I had ordered a Large Print Version, the first one off the press with the new cover, just a few days before. 

So the next time I think that Immy shows little concern for anything, aloof and uncaring, I will remember this. I realize that had it not been her birthday, I would have coerced her down to the Anza Trail and we would have had no synchronistic story to tell at all. 

We ended up going back out to finish our walk later and once again Immy led the way. As we walked through La Encantada, an upscale shopping plaza, she stopped outside of Elvira's Restaurant. She knows fine dining when she sees it. She fixed her gaze upon it and stood there, her feet rooted into place.
"No Immy. Sorry.  I know it's your birthday and all but I have to draw the line. Let's go home and have some dinner." She turned back to join us and we walked happily back home. She probably already knew that I had some liver thawing out on the counter for her special dinner.

Thank you Immy. Thank you Jack for sending Immy into our lives. Thank you to God and the angels and this man's father who crossed over five years ago on this Father's Day. All of them perhaps were working together to make things happen so that we would all be at the right place at the right time.

Lesson at a Book Signing Event

A woman approached my table. She looked right at me with her deep blue eyes, as if she could see into my soul. "I have grief," she stated simply. She was not young; she was not very old. She told me how, over a brief period of time not so long ago, she had lost her husband and their two young adult children. 

We grieve and it's one of the hardest things to triumph over, but if we stick with it and have time and support on our side, we do indeed rise triumphant from the ashes. 

In the meantime, let's count our blessings. There is always somebody somewhere who has it worse than we do. 

Our books are always available at Amazon.
Click the link below to learn more: 

In Print, on Kindle and always free on Kindle Unlimited.

Coming Soon: Book 3 "Return from Rainbow Bridge"

When you are grieving, you cannot really learn anything new until your mind and heart are healed and open to new information. 

In my next book Jack shares his usual wisdom and inspiration as he helps the reader to walk through the five stages of grief. Then he reveals what life is like on the other side of Rainbow Bridge. Full of love and miracles, his story will tell you how his Master in Heaven allows him the free will to make some very important choices, such as the one to return to earth to love again and be loved again.  

We also share the story of how we found Joey, Jack's little terrier brother, and how Jack was able to choreograph the adoption of Immy, the Afghan Hound who would come to be adopted into the space that Jack left behind. 

Join us as we learn together the power of love and faith. This is our story, it is your story. It is the story of life, love and renewal. Come! Be our friend as we travel this journey together to Rainbow Bridge and back again.

Coming to Amazon in 2016.

                     

"The end of this life is not the end of life."