This image makes me think of my
father. He and my Mom split when I was a year old. Throughout my youth I would
find myself waiting for the days he would gather me up for scheduled weekend visits.
Sometimes he was a No Show but most of the time visits with him were good. He
is the sentimental Irish part of me so between that and being a child of
divorce, I suppose those are things that contribute to my deep pervasive
feeling of longing. Just like the child in the picture waiting -- waiting for
love, longing for a better life, waiting for the windfall of treasures, waiting
for people to turn on the love in their hearts. Waiting for my books to sell.
Waiting for life to give me a break; oh I've made so many mistakes! Waiting.
Waiting. Waiting.
"What
are you waiting for?" they will ask. "You've been waiting for what
(?) since you were a child? Then just change the way you look at things! Let go
of the old and bring in the new! If you aren't happy it's your fault. Let it
GO." hmmmmmmmm......
Has
anyone ever told you these things so that you would be different than the you
that you are? Who says we are supposed to be giddy and raucously happy? Why
can't we just be ourselves. Things in our lives happen for a reason. We cannot
be cookie-cuttered.
Do
you find yourself longing for a life different than the one you are living? I
have had many disappointments but also have had an element of success in my
life. I have many friends and a supportive family. My cup is half full and I am
the eternal optimist ...but somewhere in my deepest being there is a pervasive
bittersweet longing. Longing for a certain kind of love or creative outlet --
or for a publisher or landfall of money or more hours in a day. Maybe a nicer
house, a newer car. I think maybe when I find the right pair of jeans that fit
me perfectly it will be the key to my happiness. When all is said and done, I
am overall content but never joyously or exhiliratingly happy. We are in
control of our thoughts and feelings to an extent but sometimes upbringing and
DNA have a lot to do with why we are the way we are. There is really only so
much we can control. The rest we must come to accept.
When
we are children growing up, life circumstances can thread themselves right into
our cells and to a certain extent we grow and develop into our own unique
personal tapestries based on those threads. We become what we have experienced.
We all have our stories and there is always a reason why we are the way we are.
The best thing we can do is accept and embrace our unique selves and wait on
the will of Heaven.
Something
wonderful is coming. There is a reason for all of this. Keep the faith.
