Book 4 Now Available in Paperback!

This little book will answer every question you ever asked about the end of life -- and some you haven't thought to ask yet.  Let Jack guide you gently through the decisions, the Stages of Grief and into the Healing that will show you that you have become so much more for the love you have shared. 

"Only Gone From Your Sight" - #1 New Release on Amazon

SAMPLE CHAPTER...
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Only Gone From Your Sight:
Jack McAfghan's Little Guide to Pet Loss & Grief
by Kate McGahan

CHAPTER 4 

NOT ‘JUST’ A PET

It was hard for friends to know how to comfort her. After all, I had been like her child, her boyfriend, her husband and her best friend all wrapped up in one furry package. Pets can become like family members especially for those who do not have a family of their own.

Reflections on Life with My Master, Chapter 73

You might find it difficult to open up your heart and talk with most people because you fear they might think you crazy for loving me more than you’ve loved any human. All too many who deeply grieve the loss of a pet have been ‘reassured’ by a statement from a well-meaning friend, “It’s just a dog/ cat/ horse/ hamster/ rabbit/ parakeet... You can get another one.” Forgive them for they know not what they do or what they say.
   Even other animal owners might not understand. Some people who own pets are only master, not friend, and they miss out on the best parts of the human-animal bond. If only they could see that we are there to teach them and to give them the love that has otherwise been missing in their lives. The love most humans do not know how to give…or receive. These are the people who might laugh or sneer at you now when you call me your soulmate because they never have heard of such a thing. They think that all soulmates are romantic relationships between two people, not loving relationships between two beings, two friends, two soul travelers such as us. Pity them for what they do not know. Pity them that they cannot treat anyone else better than they treat themselves. Pity them for the love they’ve never had or recognized.

Love is chemistry beyond our control. When true love comes into your life it can transform you in the most extraordinary ways and change everything you ever believed in. You are never sure where true love is going to come from and it can be quite a surprise when it comes from your pet.

While it may sound strange that someone can grieve more deeply for a pet than for a human, there is a certain undeniable depth that comes from sharing a life of unconditional love. It doesn’t matter how many legs I have or how many you have, it’s a soul connection. No matter how we found each other, no matter how long we have been together, it is a relationship like no other. I have given you the kind of love that takes humans a lifetime to learn, if they ever learn. I know the power of love and I want to give it to you. It is the most powerful force in the universe. I came into this world to give true love to you and to draw true love out of you. How many people in your life do that?

Of course people do the best they can, giving and receiving their imperfect human love. There are a few special people on earth who are very old souls and they are capable of loving at a very deep level. They give the highest form of love; love that is divinely pure, honest and unconditional. It holds the loved one more precious than oneself. It sacrifices without complaint, without resentment, without keeping score. It gives and gives and expects nothing in return. It’s the same kind of love that I have given to you. I came into the world to love and be loved and I chose you. Love is why I came here. You are the reason I came. My love has become a part of you but you don’t seem to understand that yet. When I am gone you don’t seem to know who you are without me. You don’t know your identity without me. I will teach you. I will teach you through life and I will teach you through death. I will teach you that love never dies.

When you love from the depths of the soul in your heart, you are never apart from the one you love no matter how far away you seem to be. Even when I am gone from your sight, I am never gone from your heart. We live in the heart of one another for eternity, beyond the reaches of this world. The love runs deep. That's why it hurts so much for so long when we have to say “goodbye”. That’s also why you will get through this. Our love runs so deep that nothing can touch it, no, not even death. Our love will win. It always does when it is true.

I tried to comfort her. I spoke in a voice she could not hear. her grief and sadness drowned me out. I wanted to tell her what I have always known. That life is but a dream leading to love. Love, more powerful than her fear could ever be. Love cannot be destroyed. It grows and grows until it is stronger than death. 

Reflections on Life with MyMaster, Chapter 72

Soulmates change all the rules in the game of life. We have been brought together, you and me, by a common destiny. We have known each other before and we will know each other again. I will continue to transform you from beyond the grave and help you to see that love is more valuable and powerful than anything else.

There will be others who will not understand this kind of love. They will raise their eyebrows as they stand in judgment of you and comment how silly it is that you loved me this much. Don’t worry about them. I feel sorry for them. They obviously have never encountered a soulmate of their own or they would know better. They would know that traditional rules do not apply when a match is made in Heaven. Once you know this kind of love you will never question love again. You’ll know it when you see it. You’ll know it when you feel it. You will never be confused by something that is something else.

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY BECAUSE 

OUR LOVE WILL SEE US THROUGH.

LOVE NEVER DIES.  

Keep Going! Click HERE to preview the first 5 chapters and/or order the book, 

available on Kindle and in Paperback! 

ONLY GONE FROM SIGHT: JACK McAFGHAN'S LITTLE GUIDE TO PET LOSS AND GRIEF - Now Available in Paperback!

THIS BOOK WILL ANSWER EVERY QUESTION YOU HAVE ABOUT END-OF-LIFE

DECISION-MAKING AND HOW TO SURVIVE PET LOSS.

Our favorite four-legged grief counselor, Jack McAfghan, guides you gently and honestly through all aspects of pet loss and grief. Jack will prepare you, teach you to make peace with the decisions you may ultimately have to make and help you to understand that the end of this life is not the end of life at all. Learn the secret language that will help you communicate with your pets no matter what side of the Rainbow Bridge they are on. This little book will help you know how to make the right decisions, how to stay strong in your time of loss and how to move forward by using the power of your love instead of the limits of your mind. 

TABLE of CONTENTS 

~Facing the Inevitable

~Anticipatory Grief

~Not Just a Pet

~No Life Without Loss

~Death: Feared & Misunderstood

~End of Life Decisions

~Preparing for the Passage

~"THE APPOINTMENT"/ Euthanasia

~Aftershocks

~The Process of Grief

~Ashes and Memorials

~Waking from the Dream

~Shock/Denial

~Fears and Tears

~Anger

~Complicated Grief

~Bargaining

~Who to Blame

~Suicide

~Depression

~There is no Death

~You Can Heal What You Feel

~Acceptance

~Growing Pains

~Anniversaries

~The Language of the Heart

~The Gift of Grief

~Dreams: Meeting Places of the Soul

~Signs from the Afterlife

~How to Tell the Children

~Life Beyond Grief

~Only Human

~Grief Support

Your best friend waits to speak to you on every page in this book. Give the gift of understanding. Help the pet lover in your life to face transitions courageously, rid themselves of guilt and blame, know how much they are loved and strengthen their faith that life never ends and that love never dies.

CLICK HERE FOR A FREE PREVIEW! 

PTS PD Euthanization ... and GUILT

Dear Jack: I feel so much guilt after I euthanize a pet because, in essence, I am giving the order to kill them. I know, I know it's in their best interest but it's still so hard.

This is for anyone who believes that they took a life away. You loved enough to let the one you love go.  You freed them from being bound to a life that no longer served them. Read Jack's wisdom. You need only shift your perspective to know the truth of the matter. 

Jack, when you know that you did the right thing, there is a certain amount of guilt. Your absolutely right though. I couldn't bear to see him suffer.

Yes, there is always guilt for everyone in our life who leaves here. The key is to let it go, not dwell on it.  When they look back at us, they do not see the things we feel we could have done better. They look back on us only with love, knowing we did our very best and knowing that we loved them.

Some people say they put their pets 'down' when they are really Lifting Them Up. 'Putting To Sleep' is a much better term even though it's still kind of backwards. Whatever words you use to describe it, you are helping us. Don't ever question your decision again. It's the most loving thing you can do, to help us on our way Home.

Max Has Lymphoma. When Do We Decide to Let Him Cross Over?

Dear Friends at Rainbow Bridge, 

I need help. My Max was diagnosed with leukemia and stage 5 lymphoma. Doctors have given him 4 to 8 weeks. Today has been 3 weeks. He is happy and eating well, although he is on prednisone, which makes him hungry and thirsty. At this point we are feeding him anything his little heart wants(for the most part). He is going on walks and car rides and trips to McDonalds. We are spoiling him every minute of the day and we feel blessed to have these last days with him. 

The thing I am worried about is his weight loss. It is bad. He looks like he is starving, yet like I said every day he is happy and eating well. He is still jumping and playing like Boxers do; he looks like he feels good 95% of the time. The other 5% you can tell he is uncomfortable and not feeling well. We asked the doctor if he is in pain and he said, "No." He said it's similar to when we have the flu or some kind of bug - we just feel "blah"

My question is at what point do we decide to let him cross the rainbow bridge? It's heartbreaking to see him turn into a skeleton but I can't imagine letting him cross over with him still showing us he is happy. 

Signed,

Dazed and Confused

Max and Me

Dear Dazed, 

Hi, I'm Ella. I'm filling in for Jack who has been called out on angel assignment today. He specifically asked me to reply to you because he knows I know more about lymphoma than he does. I know about it because I have had it too. 

Every animal is different, I can only talk you through how it was for us. I am an Airedale Terrier and I lived a wonderful life on earth with my heart partner, Lynette. 

Our life changed the day I was diagnosed. Lynette was reading and studying everything she could about lymphoma. When life gets out of control like it did for us, it's important to gather as much information and awareness as possible so you can go into the situation with knowledge and realistic expectations. Even though she was learning a lot, she still spent a lot of time in tears. She didn't really know what to expect because, like I said, every animal is different. She could not be prepared for the fact that she would have me for only a month after diagnosis. 

What I can tell you is that when you love like this, you will know when it is the right time, and when that time comes and you have made that decision, there is a kind of peace that comes with it. You WILL know when the right time is, Max will tell you.

Below is our story as Lynette tells it. I want her to tell it because I'm still not very good with the medical vocabulary.

This is me when I was a little tyke 

Ella was my beloved Airedale; she had been with us from 12 weeks of age, attended our wedding, honeymoon, nannied our two boys, and just after her 12th birthday, I noticed her lymph nodes were enlarged on her back legs. After a biopsy result confirmed our fears, we decided against chemo, and went down the prednisone route. I asked our vet the same questions, and no she wasn't in any pain, but would have days of being tired and lethargic. The tablets increased her hunger and thirst, but I was told when they stopped working, there would be a rapid decline. Ella was arthritic but still enjoyed her walks, right up until two days before we lost her. She loved her food. In fact my last photo was taken the day before she died, waiting for her tea.

We knew the end was near that Friday morning. She usually ate her breakfast first thing. That morning, she didn't get up for the first couple of hours, she did eat some of her food, went outside to do her toilet and came back to her bed. She didn't move and dozed all afternoon. 

We phoned the vet late in the afternoon and made The Appointment for next day, thinking we had that last night with her. However, at about 10pm, she lost control of her bowels. I spent the night lying on the floor with her, telling her how much she was loved, recalling our adventures. Just before sunrise, we called the vet out, and she slipped peacefully away. We watched the most beautiful painted sunrise, which I believe was her way of telling me it was alright. I felt at peace at that moment. We buried her on the hill behind our house, looking down the loch. 

Would I do things differently? Only in that I would have called the vet out the evening before. The decline was so swift. I can only advise if Max is happy in himself, wagging his tail and still eating, let him enjoy himself. If he stops eating, shows no interest in his surroundings, or has prolonged panting (a sign of pain), then think about letting him go.

I miss my girl every day. It will be 5 months tomorrow. I read Kate's book with tears streaming down my face, but it was very cathartic. I am sitting here again with tears streaming down my face.

I wish you and Max a peaceful time together in the coming days. I know you will tell him how loved he is, and how he always will be. 

Love and hugs from Ella and me to you and Max.

I Love You Mom. You Did Everything Right For Us

The Gift of ONE MORE DAY

How many of us have watched someone we love suffer for too long? They have spent weeks, months, years, declining and then, right after we make the decision to let them go, they surprise us by having a really good day?! It can throw us for a loop.   

One night Grady pee-ed all over our bed.  Our bed was also our "den," and any dog knows you don't dirty your den. This is how sick she was, to not be able to honor that. She was 14.  She had been incontinent(and arthritic and going blind and deaf over the years). Kate said to her that night, "I can't keep doing this." Kate was so tired from cleaning up after her and carrying her everywhere. Nonetheless, she did it for another two years.  It was all because she was waiting for God to call for Grady because she didn't want to have to make The Decision. 

She ultimately contacted the vet and scheduled euthanization for Monday. Sunday night we all slept on the floor with Grady instead of bringing her up onto our bed like we always did. It was the first time in many nights that she didn't get up every hour. She slept the whole night through! She got up in the morning, went outside with me with a wag in her tail! She gave a playful little awkward jump when I teased her... and she ate all of her breakfast! We couldn't believe it. Our hearts were full. 

It would be easy to second-guess whether we were doing the right thing, to move forward with the plans for the day. Maybe if we just slept on the floor with her every night she'd sleep through the night.... maybe this, maybe that, maybe, maybe, maybe...

Fortunately, our experience working with people on hospice reassured Kate. We had seen it over and over again in our therapy work. Many times people linger on their deathbeds; their breath is slowing, their feet are turning blue... and then all of a sudden one day, they rally back! Where they were confused they are now lucid. Those who were lethargic are miraculously alert and clear for the first time in a long time. They give us the impression that they are not dying after all! Oh everyone is so excited! They are clearly turning a corner and they will be well again! Our prayers have indeed been answered! 

Then, in 12 or 24 or more hours, they pass peacefully. It is not this way for everyone, but this has happened often in Kate's thirty years of experience. It matters not the age or the condition or the setting. I think perhaps it is one final chance for the body to have its Swan Song. When we know we can never do something again that we've always done, we always want to do it one more time. Sometimes that's what the final day is for. It gives us a chance to have one more time around before we transform into something else.   

"One more day

One more time

One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied..." 

(Click Here to listen to the song by Diamond Rio) 

Dear Jack: How Do I Know When to Put My Pet to Sleep?

"Tomorrow I'm sending my dog to rainbow bridge. I'm so hurt, confused and guilty. Yesterday morning he could hardly walk. His arthritis is bad. Been on pain killers for years. He also has prostate cancer and a tumor on his adrenal gland...They gave him morphine at the vets. What a heart breaking evening and night. He cried so much. Confused from the morphine. But today he is great. Walking playing eating. He hasn't been this way in days. I know it's because he's not in pain but it'll wear off. Is it worth giving him more morphine and putting him through nights like last night again just to keep him around? I don't know what to do.... He's up every hour crying to go out to pee, difficulty pooing... Oh God I guess I'm looking for someone to say it's time that I'm doing the right thing. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life." 


Dear One: First of all, you can FEEL guilty, but YOU ARE NOT GUILTY. He has struggled for a very long time and weighing his quality of life with his pain and his condition is imperative. Do not hold him to you with your love because the love won't die when he does. You need to look at everything else that is going on. How would you feel if you were him?  

It is such a hard decision but the loving thing to do is let him go. Our Grady suffered for several years with chronic pain and was deaf and blind. We made the appointment to put her to sleep on a Monday, and Sunday night and Monday morning she was better than she had been in many months. We thought of it as a final gift for all of us. Later when it was over, we wished we had done it sooner for her. She was so at peace. You will see and you will know then that you did the right thing. Wishing you strength between here and there. <3 

Love, Jack