How To Find Me

Don't try to look too far for me. 

When you try too hard, you cannot see. 

On earth I was always at your feet. 

It would have done no good for you

to look around the town for me. 

I am not there. I am with you. 

I am here. 

Do Dogs Feel Guilty Too?

Would you forgive this guy for not being perfect?? 

Kate and Joey and Immy were out walking today and they crossed paths with a older couple walking a corgi mix. They said Hi and the other dog's only response was to snarl and growl, lunging and straining at the leash, barking his head off at them.  

"He's been like that since we rescued him six years ago," they said matter-of-factly. "There seems to be no cure. He just doesn't like anybody!"  They added, "We love him anyway. We'll always love him no matter what."  

Their dog does not feel guilty about his behavior. He doesn't care if he's not perfect. He is what he is. He knows that they love him, they know that he loves them to the extent he can love, and that is enough. Please don't keep revisiting your past behavior and and finding more guilt and shame there. Guilt and shame exist only in your mind. Your pets love you despite everything and, like these human owners, they don't think twice.  It's just the way it is. Unconditional love wins. Let it win the battle over guilt and shame.  Let it in. Let love win. 

Letter to Jack: We All Have Something to Offer

"A dog can wag its tail but a dog needs more than that. Just like a person needs a purpose, a dog needs a purpose too. We don't feel good when we are just taking up space."  

(from Jack McAfghan: Reflections on Life with my Master")

Dear Jack: 

That is how my Dad feels right now. He is older now and he has been so used to being productive that it's hard for him to be so limited. I try to think of projects he can help me with. 

Ann

Dear Ann: 

You make a very important point. 

A lot of what applies to us, applies to people too.  We are, each one of us, loaded with vast potential.  We were each brought into this world to serve a unique purpose. People should really think about this before they harm, abuse or abandon someone, two legged or four legged. Each of us has a gift and every one of us should be honored, respected and appreciated for what we have to offer. 

If we don't or can't fulfill our purpose, we feel an emptiness inside that nothing else can ease. Please keep trying to create opportunities for success in your father's routine. Please tell him we love him, that always helps. We love you too. 

Jack

Where are you in the Grief Process? Find Out Here.

You are managing your loss in your own unique way. Everyone is different. There is a framework, however, that was designed by the famous death expert, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Ross determined that most people typically go through a predictable series of stages of emotion and growth in their grief. After working with Kate as a hospice therapist for many years, I can say that yes, most (not all) people go through these very stages -- in their own way and in their own timeframe.  

Others have a more unique style -- they can ride the roller coaster of loss and go around and around on the merry go round, re-visiting stages repeatedly and sometimes out of order. They can be stuck forever without a guide to help them through their grief, or they can fly through the process all at once and never even realize that they grieved a loss at all.

How do you know if you are on track?  

What phase of grief are you in right now? 

Most of us have seen the "Rainbow Bridge" poem many times.  

Did you know that it can be used as an Assessment tool too? It is a very good indicator of where you are in your cycle of grief.  It applies beautifully to those who have lost a beloved pet, but it applies to all losses on the Life Stressor Scale. 

Kate is reading the poem today. She still cries at the part towards the end where pets and their people are reunited. She cries because the thought of seeing me again makes her so happy. It's so much better than it used to be because she used to cry at the first sentence because I was gone from her sight. She was devastated because in those days, in that phase, she only wanted me back. She couldn't let go. She was in (1) Denial then.

Those in the (2) Anger stage will tend to get triggered by 'all the animals who had been ill', as this is the one place in the poem that focuses on the past; on the pain and on the suffering. Grieving or not, people who are angry are typically stuck in the past. 

  

Those in the third stage of Bargaining will get an emotional jolt from 'they each miss someone very special to them'. They are still fighting the missing of their friend. They are focused on 'the dreams of days and times gone by'. If only they could have their loved one back! This person is still trying to negotiate. They can be stuck on the IF ONLY's. They will be emotional at this part of the poem because the predestined reunion is not yet clear. 

(4) Depression. When we are depressed we get stuck on 'they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind' (!). People in this stage are now totally aware that their loss is real and they feel the pain of the loss more than ever. 
This is why sometimes you think you are getting worse, but you are really getting better. If you were in an accident, your traumatized body would initially go into shock. Hours or days later you would feel the intense pain when the shock wears off. In much the same way, Denial, Anger and Bargaining keep us focused on something other than our pain. These stages keep us "safely" in our heads and out of our emotions. God designs us this way because we cannot handle all of our losses all at once.   

But look! They run and play together, the animals. They are not unhappy at all! The process of Acceptance begins the moment you draw near to your pet; when your pet spots you and you see your pet and you know your reunion is inevitable and permanent.  

The grief process is complete when 'you cross the Rainbow Bridge together'.  Crossing the bridge is a metaphor for Acceptance and completion.

Tears can flow for years and years and tears can flow forever, but there are also some people who are able to work through their grief, allowing things to be what they are with no more tears at all. There is no "right way" to grieve. There is no "wrong way" to grieve. There is only YOUR WAY.  If you have loved, you will always feel a bittersweet sentiment when you read this poem from beginning to end. 

What sentence in the poem makes your tears start to flow? 
Your answer will tell you how much further you have to go to heal.  
The further you go into the poem without tears, the more you have healed. 

If you are struggling with grief and loss issues and you see no improvement or hope for recovery, please seek out a bereavement or loss counselor to help you through it. Most community hospice organizations have a counselor or pastor available who is willing to provide such a service in the community at no charge. Godspeed your journey.

Dear Jack: Will Your Book Make Me Cry?

Dear Jack, 
Will your book make me cry?
Rhianna

Absolutely and yes Rhianna. It will make you smile and laugh and the tears may come even then. Yes, it will make you cry because my story is your story too and you can't help but connect us together when you read it.  I guarantee, however, that you will not be crying as you turn the final pages.  This is not just a book about a dog who dies at the end, Oh No.  This book is designed to bring you healing and peace and I promise your sweet tears will be worth it. 
Love,
Jack 

Dear Jack: How to Explain What is a Dream? What is Life?

Dear Jack, 

I don't understand the quote that death is like waking up. 
Maybe I'm not ready. Please, if you can, try to explain it. 

Ruth

Dear Ruth,  I will try to explain. 

When I passed, she went through horrible grief. You know all about it!  She was dysfunctional for nearly six months. Her father passed the same day I did, so it was complicated.  At the six month mark she scattered my ashes. She write poetry and prose and notes all the time, but after I passed, she didn't write anything at all. That day after she scattered my ashes, she went home and was staring at her blank notebook with her pen in hand. She asked me for help to start writing again. That night, with pen in hand, she wrote stuff like what you are trying to understand here. She did not understand any of it either as she was writing it, but when she read it back, she understood all of it. Now the question is, how do we explain the unexplainable to YOU? 

"Row row row your boat... life is but a dream." We are all dreamers and we will awaken to find out that we were just dreaming. It is very hard to get one's rational head around this stuff. As we move forward, I will try to find a way to better explain it. 

Love,
Jack

What is Real? Are your dreams real or is your life real?  

Cecil The King: A Different Perspective

There is so much pain and unrest over this news about our friend Cecil.  The massive worldwide anger over this is not helpful. So many people are seeking a reason for the injustice of it and, understandably, revenge for the acts of a severely misguided and egotistical man.

For those of you who have been following Cecil, I want to let you know that he has joined us here in Heaven at last. He is healthy and whole and reunited once again with his soulmate. He is the most large and amazing presence! 

He tells us that he went courageously into the earthly life specifically to teach the world compassion and fairness. His death was brutal and uncalled for, but he suffers no more. Now he watches comfortably from the edge of the Rainbow to see the miracles that are happening because of him. We already see the awareness that has been raised and the love that springs forth from those who care for the animals. We watch this much like you watch a movie, except that we already know how it ends. heart emotico