Is Grief Taking a Toll on Your Marriage?

I will never forget one of our Heart to Heart Support Group members was struggling terribly for a long time after the loss of her Heart and Soul dog.  Her life had become one great drama, filled with great rage and relentless sadness. One day she shared that she had said to her husband, crying: "I just want my dog back." Her husband looked at her straight in the eye and replied,"I just want my wife back." This is the kind of strain grief can put on a marriage.  

Some of you are struggling in your marriages and relationships because of the grief that is weighing heavily between you. It hangs heavy like a wall that seems insurmountable. Your wife may not be able to focus on what is important to you. She seems scatterbrained because she doesn't know where to put all of her feelings that come from her grief. Hubby may not know how to process his wife's -- or even his own -- emotions over the loss of a beloved pet. Men and women tend to process emotions very differently and the emotions of grief run deep.

Remember there are typically five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. For many, these stages can be extreme. A husband may have discomfort in not knowing what to do for or say to his wife. Perhaps he is struggling too and he doesn't know how to talk about his own grief so he distances himself instead. She feels the distance and it perpetuates her anger or depression. 

If this kind of behavior between you is taking place but is not typical, it is likely related to the loss at hand. By the way, for the husbands, most guys love Jack's book because he's a guy too and he writes it in such a way that they can process it quite easily. Jack will walk any reader through the stages of grief and out the other side. So if nothing else works, put our book in his hand! Most women gravitate to Jack because he's a guy that sets everything right. Jack puts everyone on the same page. Read it together. Read it to your kids. Leave it on your parent's coffee table. Do whatever you need to do to get on common ground. 

Please tune into this short video (below) which discusses the difference between Men's Brains and Women's Brains by Mark Gungor. It's been around awhile but is quite funny and right on the mark. Most men and most women deal with grief very differently and if you are in a marriage or relationship that is currently strained, it's important to keep this in mind.  

I also wish to add that I have addressed 'husbands' and 'wives' in this post and it seems all very traditional, but this applies to all relationships and partnerships between generations, men and women, same sex partners, siblings, parents and children of all ages. Everyone has a different way of handing stress so please keep your mind open, seek counseling if you need a little extra support --- and keep love at the forefront of everything you do.  

Here's the video. I think there will be something in it that would make most people laugh, and laughter is still the best medicine of all.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29JPnJSmDs0

Find our healing books, highly-rated on Amazon Worldwide

http://amzn.to/2yytP3l

Hindsight

We learn a lot from those who love us

Learn a lot from those who don't.

There's only so much you can do

With those who can't or those who won't.

Eventually you come to see

That you can do and care for them

And love them 'till the cows come home

But it won't change things either way.

So if you find you're worrisome 

Take on step back and try to see

If you deserve to wait and wait

For hell to freeze

Then celebrate

Your foresight before it's too late

To have something

To call your own

Before the cows come home.

Excerpted from the book "One Heart's Journey"  

Deuce

When love is played

As part of a game

It means nothing.

When love is love

It means Everything.

The Ebb and Flow of Love

“Love is like the sea. The waves of life, they ebb and flow; they come and go. Time sweeps us away from each other. Love always brings us back.” ― Kate McGahan

"You Were The Teacher I Needed..."

"Reflections...Book 1. This is by far one of the Greatest Books I have ever Read, Touched my Heart and Soul, a True Masterpiece. The Whole Series, the books are truly inspiring....You were the Teacher I needed to find to open up the door that had been closed for so long..."  

~George K.

Click HERE to see more of our wonderful reviews and to order this and the other books in the Jack McAfghan Trilogy! 

Rainbow Bridge is not a "Real" Bridge...

There is one thing you need to understand in order to heal your grief....and you will understand clearly when you read "Reflections". Heaven is not up in the sky somewhere. Rainbow Bridge is not a long apparatus made of bricks and mortar and steel. Our loved ones live all around us... in the very same space... just on a different level of vibration, like a radio that has different stations and frequencies. Your best friend is right beside you where they've always been. The Bridge is a thin veil of love. Only Gone From Your Sight.

Heaven is all around you. You just can’t see us because We are vibrating at a higher level than you are. It’s kind of like a dog whistle. There is a noise, a pitch so high that the human ear cannot detect it but it is there nonetheless, for don’t you see all the dogs come running!

When we cross Rainbow Bridge we become only Love and Love is the highest level of vibration--the highest 'pitch' so to speak. This is why you cannot see Us. We are here, only gone from your sight until one day you are the same vibration as We are. When you vibrate in Love all the time you will not have to ask again if I AM here; you will know that I AM here with you.

~ Jack McAfghan: Return from Rainbow Bridge 

Available Worldwide on Amazon and through your favorite bookseller

All Dogs Need A Purpose: The Service Dogs of 9-11

(Excerpt from 

"Jack McAfghan: Reflections on Life with my Master" 

Chapter 15) 

"...A dog can wag its tail but a dog needs more than that. Just like a person needs a purpose, a dog needs a purpose too. We don’t feel good when we are just taking up space. Grady had been a successful therapy dog many years before. We all need to be successful at something for as long as we live.

One of our friends was a veteran rescue dog from the World Trade Center. He had many stories about rescuing people from the wreckage. We learned a lot from him. He told us that when the buildings went down many rescue workers arrived on site, including specially trained dogs from all over the country. He was one of them. The mission of the dogs was to find survivors and victims. All too soon the unfortunate time came when no more could be found. At this point many of the dogs became listless and depressed.* They refused to eat or drink. They failed to thrive. They did not feel the desire to live because they were simply not able to fulfill their purpose. Being able to do something we’re good at prolongs our life and promotes our sense of well-being. 

If we don’t have a job to do, a task to accomplish, or someone to serve on a regular basis we will create our own opportunities. We will chase lizards and rabbits, obsess about squirrels and other mammals, bark at everyone who passes by or rearrange the rugs in the house. We can always find something to do if our humans don’t need us or provide us with work to do..."

In memory. 

May we never forget those we lost and what we learned.

* What we did not choose to share in our book came from a reliable source at Ground Zero. The only way to keep the rescue dogs on task and moving forward when no more casualties could be found was to replant body parts and scents in the rubble so the dogs could continually have a measure of success. Success is everything to a true service dog. Much like humans, when we "retire" we need another job to do or we lose our momentum for living.