Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Waiting Waiting Waiting

This  image makes me think of my father. He and my Mom split when I was a year old. Throughout my youth I would find myself waiting for the days he would gather me up for scheduled weekend visits. Sometimes he was a No Show but most of the time visits with him were good. He is the sentimental Irish part of me so between that and being a child of divorce, I suppose those are things that contribute to my deep pervasive feeling of longing. Just like the child in the picture waiting -- waiting for love, longing for a better life, waiting for the windfall of treasures, waiting for people to turn on the love in their hearts. Waiting for my books to sell. Waiting for life to give me a break; oh I've made so many mistakes! Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

"What are you waiting for?" they will ask. "You've been waiting for what (?) since you were a child? Then just change the way you look at things! Let go of the old and bring in the new! If you aren't happy it's your fault. Let it GO." hmmmmmmmm......

Has anyone ever told you these things so that you would be different than the you that you are? Who says we are supposed to be giddy and raucously happy? Why can't we just be ourselves. Things in our lives happen for a reason. We cannot be cookie-cuttered.

Do you find yourself longing for a life different than the one you are living? I have had many disappointments but also have had an element of success in my life. I have many friends and a supportive family. My cup is half full and I am the eternal optimist ...but somewhere in my deepest being there is a pervasive bittersweet longing. Longing for a certain kind of love or creative outlet -- or for a publisher or landfall of money or more hours in a day. Maybe a nicer house, a newer car. I think maybe when I find the right pair of jeans that fit me perfectly it will be the key to my happiness. When all is said and done, I am overall content but never joyously or exhiliratingly happy. We are in control of our thoughts and feelings to an extent but sometimes upbringing and DNA have a lot to do with why we are the way we are. There is really only so much we can control. The rest we must come to accept.

When we are children growing up, life circumstances can thread themselves right into our cells and to a certain extent we grow and develop into our own unique personal tapestries based on those threads. We become what we have experienced. We all have our stories and there is always a reason why we are the way we are. The best thing we can do is accept and embrace our unique selves and wait on the will of Heaven.

Something wonderful is coming. There is a reason for all of this. Keep the faith. 

Saturday, June 15, 2019

One Death after Another. My Dog Then My Father.

In Honor of Father's Day
(Excerpt from Book 3: Jack McAfghan's Return From Rainbow Bridge")

Upon my arrival at Rainbow Bridge Crossing.... 

Never Alone

As I was happily reuniting with Grady and some other friends, I heard someone calling my name. It was a commanding voice. “Jack!” I raced back to the Bridge. I was so excited! I thought maybe they were calling to tell me that Kate was coming!

But no, I was being summoned. They were recruiting me to go back to escort Kate’s father across the Bridge. No one crosses alone without someone they know and love beside them. I was the chosen one.

When I crossed the Rainbow Bridge with Thalia in the wee hours of that morning, I would not have expected Kate’s father to be crossing over the following afternoon. It was complex, for while she wept bitter tears for me, she also cried guilty tears for the fact that, while she loved her father a great deal, she simply had loved me more. Dealing with yet another loss interrupted her grieving process with me. The anger stage she was supposed to go through with me she applied to her father instead. Once she was done dealing with her grief over losing him, she would have to come back and finish the grieving she started with me.

I was told why I had to leave the day before he did. It was because they needed to teach me what I needed to know to be ready to best assist him. Lizard was my role model. He had shown me what to do and I had been well prepared.

When I arrived back on the other side of the Bridge to collect him, it was very hard not to think about going to her instead but I promised them I would stay true to my mission. It was the hardest thing I ever did, to be that close to her and to walk away again. My Rainbow friends had promised me that they would soon teach me how to be with her despite the veil between us, so I focused on that and it gave me hope.

It’s interesting that they chose me to be the one to escort him, but I guess it’s because he had one more lesson to learn before he got to Heaven. When Chuck walked the earth, he was one of those people who didn’t quite understand that I was a thinking feeling being just like him. He thought of me as Just A Dog, but then he would glare at me if I acted like one; if I barked or got too rambunctious or got my nose too close to his food. I was so surprised by his reaction when I came back to get him that day. Boy, was he happy to see me! It’s interesting how you learn how much someone loves you when they thought they were all alone and then you show up for them.

I was there with him because the moment we leave this world our Master makes sure that we are not alone. Not ever. I thought it was quite amusing how Chuck kept walking with a limp all the way across the Bridge, as if his knee still hurt him.

You don’t have to limp anymore. You don’t have a reason to limp anymore.
“I know,” he replied, but his head hadn’t yet caught up with the miracle that was happening. Sometimes the head takes awhile catching up with what the heart already knows. He was still stuck in the belief that he was who he was on earth, with his limitations in body and mind. His body was free and yet still he limped all the way across the Bridge, at which point he would be sent to the Rainbow Healing Center to correct his thinking so that he could be free.

I knew she would be okay because when you keep yourself very busy with tasks, you don’t have much time to grieve and feel sorry for yourself. She was getting ready to go into the city to close out her father’s apartment. We would all be very busy in the days ahead. She had cured me of my fear of bridges but nothing had been able to ease my apprehension over the unpredictable slam of the teeter-totter. After we returned to the other side of Rainbow Bridge, I went into the Healing Center too, to resolve that issue. We cannot take any fear into Heaven with us because love does not coexist with fear and Heaven is all love. The only way to be free is to rid ourselves of the fears.

Let Jack Heal Your Heart. Available on Amazon Worldwide in Paperback, on Kindle, Kindle Unlimited and through your favorite bookseller. 

Just like your angels, you are never alone. You can take Jack wherever you go and he will keep you connected to your loved ones, who are with you wherever you go. 

Sunday, April 14, 2019

Jack: I AM the Spirit that Moves

Dear Jack: 
Is it okay to get another pet if the spirit moves you?  

Don't you know, I am the spirit that moves you?
You can't replace me, but you can bring in a new kind of love. You've had her now for almost three months. You see her healing. You feel yourself healing too. It has taken this long for you to trust each other. She no longer runs from you. She comes to you seeking love. You are healed enough now, to give her everything and more. But I know. I know you still love me. I still see you cry when you don't think you have everything, but you do. You do have everything.

Love, Jack

Sunday, April 7, 2019

It's Sobering: The Alcoholic Family

He's so nice one minute but not the next.
I don't understand what's wrong.
He's usually easy going
Not so angry and headstrong!

What did I do to earn his wrath?
What can I do to change it?
I thought our life was right on track.
I'll have to rearrange it.

To make him happy, that's my role
To keep the family close,
To keep the peace and keep the house,
And not appear morose.

Because sometimes the smallest things
Seem to upset him so
And at those times, he grabs a drink
And then it's touch and go.

We keep this secret to ourselves.
We don't complain, we smile!
And go about our business
And become so versatile!

As we grow, we learn how much
Our family impacts us
And we tend to follow footsteps of
The only way it was.

We fight our parents battles
And we run from drinks and drugs
We run from love and closeness
And tighten up when someone hugs
Us because we're never certain
How consistent someone is.
We walk on eggshells all the time
Ready to dismiss

The other for their various faults,
We take a lesser stance.
We make them more important
Than we are in circumstance.

A lesson that is hard to learn
When we've grown up this way--
To be equally important in
What we want and what we say.

So if you cannot intervene,
Make a change in your own life
So that someday you can be yourself
With your husband or your wife

Or your significant other
If you choose a different route.
Because what you want is what you want.
Be true to your pursuit.

It's time to take the driver's seat
And move towards your life goals.
Decide what you want and go for it
And let go of the roles

You've played for years and mastered.
Your time's long overdue.
Take care of others, but care for yourself.
As they say "To thine own self be true."

From the book One Heart's Journey
by Kate McGahan LMSW

Monday, April 1, 2019


I’m building a wall that I don’t want to build
A stockade ‘round my heart and soul
All because those before you filled
My life then left a gaping hole.

You pay the price of baggage carried
On and off throughout my years.
Some cast off and deeply buried,
Some I keep to tote my fears

Of failure, guilt, abandonment, 
Which pull me down and hold me back.
These fears are much like bricks and mortar
Weighing down my heavy sack. 

I’ve always had the tools I need
To ward off enemies unknown
Always ready to defend
By erecting walls of stone

Impossible to penetrate!
They kept me sound
They kept me safe!
They also sheltered me from love.
I’ve paid the price of seeming brave.

It’s time to cast those things aside
That I no longer need because
Not only do they weigh too much,
They sheltered me from what life WAS.

My life is very different now
How wrong of me to utilize
This defense when I’ve no cause
To doubt your word or your advice.

I feel exposed as I toss out
The huge amounts of sand and stone…
Afraid to be wounded without my “shield,” 
I await the pain as I stand alone. 

Only to find that the pain doesn’t come!
I tentatively discover
That warmth and tenderness surround
Me as I start to now uncover

The parts of me I’ve saved for you,
The one who taught me it’s okay
To be myself and share my truth
Knowing you’ll meet me halfway

With respect and courtesy.
I learn life is a paradox.
Tear down the walls with kindness and
  Build gates of love, not walls of rocks. 

A Lifelong Course

Life is all about the experience of love
...Or the lack thereof...
And the expression
Of feeling.

Life keeps dishing out opportunities
To feel
Good and bad.

When that happens
We either come through
Our Rite of Passage,
Or we smother the opportunity,
Burying it with our chosen painkillers;
Anxiety, addiction, depression....

Push the feelings away
And maybe one day
You won't feel anything.
You can become an inanimate object.

And life will still keep dishing it out
In the hopes that one day
You will learn
What it hopes to teach you.

Love is always the lesson.  

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

The Walls Between Us

This image shows the border between two countries: Mexico and the U.S.A. 
Can you guess which side of the image is Mexico and which is the U.S?

I live approximately 1/2 hour north of Nogales, Arizona which is directly across the border from it's sister town by the same name, Nogales, in the Mexican state of Sonora. The population in Nogales AZ is just under 21,000. The population in Nogales MX is over 212,000.
As you already know, my page is far from being a political environment. While the topic of Mexico can be a delicate issue in this day and age, I do not encourage heated debate and I ask you to please refrain from provoking such disputes here. What I do encourage is awareness, bipartiality and applying what we have learned in our most important life relationships: Acceptance, Non-judgment and Compassion. Let's see how much we've learned....Is it possible? Yes. Si. 
My grocery store of choice is Safeway in Nogales, 20 minutes South. The Green Valley Safeway is 20 minutes North and is very nice but there is just such a warm feeling I get from shopping in Nogales. I always leave with an uplifted heart for all the smiles and warmth I receive there. A few weeks back I was at the store and I realized that just two days before the largest drug bust in the history of the border had taken place just a few blocks away. It is a dichotomy. It has my attention and that is why I am writing this book. My Mexican novio (boyfriend) was an interesting dichotomy too, which is why I started this book 2 decades ago never thinking I would finish it. But some things are Meant To Be, aren't they...
I have been doing grief work and clinical hospice for the better part of 35 years and have written six books on the subject. It is a huge step for me to switch gears, dust off the screenplay I wrote in 1999 when I first visited and studied the US/Mexico border in detail. I never dreamed I would move here one day. (Check out how beautiful it really is by visiting my personal FB Page. I love to show it off! 
Here I am now writing the novel to open minds and hearts to the diversity, complexities and love lessons of intermingled lives and agendas at the international border.
Stay Tuned for "The Walls Between Us," to be released later this year. 

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