My little girl has been gone three months. We had taken her to the vet and they ran all kinds of tests. I was told she was in good shape for what he called a 'old dog'. But she would not eat or poop... this vet had no compassion. I took her back again and he said "You need to think about putting her down." That was his answer to her problem. She was still so full of energy and my baby, the day after I took her to the vet for the second time, I found her dead in my hallway. When I called him he said, "I guess she made the decision for you." I feel like I let her down. I loved and still do love her so much.
You did not let her down. You did what you could do. She did not want to be at the vet clinic in her final hours. None of us want to be in a vet clinic, even when we just go for shots! She wanted to be home ...believe it or not, she was in control of her own destiny.
I can see where you were frustrated with the vet's in/attention, however again, she did not want to go through a bunch of tests and treatments. She was actually very glad that he was not aggressive about it! She knew that her time was coming. I did hospice work with Kate for many years and we learned that no matter how sick or even unconscious someone happens to be, they can have a certain element of control in their final hours and moments, when they can pass naturally. Your girl also did not want you to witness her passing, which is why she did it in the hallway when you were not there. By the time you saw her, she must have been at peace and she gave you this as her final earthly gift.
I have looked her up here at her new Rainbow Address and I will be sure to keep a special watch over her. Bless you as you continue to heal.