So often I wonder where I belong?
Those around me are open-armed.
They've cared for me and loved me so;
Ensured that I've not been harmed.
They adopted me from someone
Who, for one reason or another,
Couldn't care for me and gave me up
To another kind of mother
Who loved me as her own and he
Did just the very same.
My Dad gave me my role model,
My confidence, my name.
But who had this nose? These eyes? This hair?
These questions haunt me so!
And the biggest one of all is why
They had to let me go.
Were they too poor?
Were they too young?
To take care of their child?
Or to take care of each other?
Might they have reconciled?
These questions haunt me all the time!
What kind of life would I
Have had if Mommy kept me
And wound not have said goodbye?
Perhaps I would have been a prince
In some faraway place.
Perhaps a pauper on the streets,
My family a disgrace.
I lead two lives and when I take
The time to really ponder,
I look up in the endless sky
And cannot help but wonder
The infinite possibilities!
I try to visualize
How I'd feel, how I'd react
If I saw my mother's eyes.
The drive is there to seek the truth
Disappointing it may be.
Would I feel for this strange woman
Who gave my life to me?
My eyes refocus from the sky
I come back down to earth;
I look at what surrounds me now,
I think of what's it's worth.
Some people live their lifetimes
Never knowing they are loved.
Conceived by accident in youth,
Aside for more important things
They learn to fret and worry.
Seeking love they find indifference
And they grow up in a hurry.
In the possibilities
Of the "what ifs" and the "whys"
I know that I've been blessed
When I come to realize
How very lucky I have been
To have had parents styled
To be conscious of their need
To want and love and child.
My parents chose to take me in
Their lives with welcomes warm.
No fear, no hesitation,
Simply glad that I was born!
So I feel I've always been a gift
Somehow I'll always know
That I'm considered precious
As I find my way and grow.
And through the years this strength will
See me through the darkest days.
Self confidence will guide me
As I share my loving ways.
From the book, "One Heart's Journey"
© 1999 by Kate McGahan